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Please do an Internet search for, "Nanny Cam."
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AlvaDeer Jan 8, 2024
a GOOD idea.
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Abuse is a no go. Physical abuse is sickening. I suggest you call APS.
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From your profile:

I am caring for my mother Sara , who is 43 years old, living in a nursing home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, and incontinence.

I take it you are 43 and your mother is the one with dementia living in a nursing home? How is your stepfather able to physically abuse her in a nursing home setting????

You may want to expand on your post. Filling out a profile incorrectly and asking a question within a title doesn't give us much to go on.
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If your step father is verbally and or physically abusing your mother and you are witness to this you call 911. IMMEDIATELY.
If your step father is physically and or verbally abusing your mother in the facility and the staff is witness to this they are MANDATED reporters of abuse and they by law HAVE to report the abuse.
If you have POA YOU can restrict visitation. If you do not have POA I suggest that you file for Guardianship so that you can protect your mother from her abuser.
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Your post to us is confusing Sarawill. You say your are caring for a mother WHO IS 43 years old, and indicate she has age related decline. I, like Lea, am assuming that it is YOU who is 43. Is that correct?

Your profile indicates you mother is in a care facility.
Have you discussed your observations with the care facility?

Have you and your step father not got along during the time he has been in relationship with your Mom? That is to say is this a troubled relationship between the two of you in general?
Has your mother and stepfather's relationship changed over time, or has it always had a tendency to bickering?

Your options are, if you observe abuse, to keep a diary and to report each incident to the administration of the facility where your parent is located. You should also reach out to APS and let them know in a concrete manner just EXACTLY what you are seeing. That is to say you will need to describe each incident completely, not to just "label" it as abuse.

I hope you will give us some concrete examples of what you are seeing.
I am so sorry for this. You must be very worried. But do know that your real help is close to home. We on the Forum are unable to intervene in what you are experiencing. I wish you good luck, hope you will elaborate for us what you're experiencing, and hope you will report to the authorities.
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To use a Nanny cam in a facility you have to get permission.

Who is telling SD is abusing Mom. If its Mom, you really can't believe her. Has the facility complained about SD? If so, I would think they have the authority to ban him from the home. If he physically abuses her, they should call the police and ban him. They should be protecting her.
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