Very worried about 84 year-old dad. He frequently goes into nocturnal sleeping cycles, has memory issues and often cannot remember the names of things. His expression has changed into a slackened, yet childlike wide-eyed sort of look. He is also forgetting to eat and drink and, when asked, says that he is hungry or thirsty but never communicates this unless prompted and won't (can't?) get for himself. HUGE shaking of hands, which he hides but can't always, especially now. He seems to be going downhill so fast. His PCP and oncologist do not seem worried because of his blood/other physical test results. He tries to get into cars that do not belong to us. He is such a shell of who he once was. It got worse about two/three months ago and is just so much worse now than before. Can anyone empathize with me based on their own experience, or offer advice on how to proceed as his advocate? He moans and complains of hot flashes, is up all night with almost manic energy, then feeling at death's door for long periods afterward. I can't bear seeing him like this.
Your dad sounds like he is sundown-ing. When people with dementia become more agitated as the day goes on.
If it will make you feel better get the name of a neurologist from his PCP and make an appointment for your dad. There might be some medication the neurologist can prescribe to keep your dad from being up all night. The neurologist will put your dad through a battery of tests which is likely to agitate your dad. I don't understand why his PCP can't handle this. And since you noticed a sudden change why would the PCP blow that off? Your dad could have had a stroke. But with testing the neurologist might be able to tell if your dad had a stroke although pinpointing when he had the stroke isn't likely.
See if your dad's PCP can prescribe something for your dad to calm him down at night at least until you can get in to see the neurologist.
As for as dealing with seeing your dad like this, I know how hard it is. Try not to react to his behavior. You might be discovering that it takes very little to agitate him. Just be with him wherever he is in his mind. Try to calm him but not because you're panicking and stressed but because he'll be more comfortable if he's calm. Does he like certain music? Would something on tv calm him down? How about sitting with him quietly and talking to him about your childhood and what you remember. Don't panic when he is up all night, he will pick up on your panic. Don't try to force him to eat. Offer him food but don't force it. It's all about trying to keep him calm. No one knows what goes on in the minds of people with dementia/Alzheimer's but I know when I've had occasions to panic over something and that gets my blood pressure up and I'm fretting and upset my body doesn't feel good while all of this is going on and it's the same with your dad. He may not be able to articulate it but his mania and agitation don't feel good to him.
Call the Dr.