My dad has Alzheimer's & is in F/T care. My sister is his POA and no one else in the family has access to his accounts. Over the 2 years of becoming his POA, she has had a boob job and done extensive renovations on her boyfriends house. I have asked in the past to look at his accounts and she got really angry and refused to show me. So do I get a lawyer and start legal proceedings?
I assume that as far as you're aware your sister would not have resources of her own that would cover these expenditures?
Hence your reasonable concern that your sister has taken substantial amounts of your father's money and spent it in ways that cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, be described as being for your father's benefit.
Let's say that's so, and can be established. What then?
Your sister would be committing a criminal offence. Would you be content to let her take the consequences? No qualms about that?
It isn't that it wouldn't serve her right. It's that, you know, she's your sister an' all. I think most people would feel uncomfortable with landing a sibling in water that hot, however much she may deserve it.
So even though you have asked your sister about your father's finances and she became angry, I wonder if it might be worth braving her wrath once again and pointing out to her that her spending pattern looks deeply fishy and that she will eventually be called to account for your father's money. She may again refuse to discuss the issue openly; and then on her head be it. But you will at least have given her a chance to come clean, and then you can discuss what to do about it.
then my dad passed away and I found out all the money was gone.
She had been forging checks for herself.
Please seek legal help.
Also attempt to have another, but low key conversation with your sister. If she balks, then you should consult an elder law attorney pronto. However, I am not sure of your real concern. Are you afraid that your father will run out of money for his care or were you counting on an inheritance from him? Good luck.
Money and families--oil and water. You can certainly try to figure out where sis is getting all her money--but tread lightly. As has been stated already, your sister may just be OK with a lot of debt and is doing these things on credit or she makes more money than you'd think.
We never pursued my brother over this. What was the point? He's dead now, the money was wasted away. Mother has to live with this daily. Her favorite child, too. Just be careful and think it through, before you act.
Your father is the primary concern here, not your sister (or her feelings), and not you. Why would your sister refuse to share information about his finances with you. Is one consideration. I don't agree with others who are advising you to slow down, consider her feelings, etc.
In my professional capacity as a director of a very large hospice, we had many experiences of elder financial abuse. Frequently family members ( after the fact) would come forth with stories of concern, etc, all would say, we didn't want to cause problems. " I couldn't believe my brother / sister would do that to our dad/mother and so on".
You are clearly concerned, don't worry about her feelings, do what is beat for your father.
The first & foremost question I would ask is if your father's needs are being met & he is being cared for properly. If he is in F/T care (which I think means "full time care"), he must be paying for it with his own money. It sounds as if your sister was just made POA 2 years ago. Is that how long your father has been in full time care? Where is he living to get the full time care? Is he in a long term care facility, does someone come to his home to take care of him, or something else? If he is in a long term care facility, he will have to use up all of his money before Medicaid steps in to pay the bills, and Medicaid will look back 5 years to see how he spent his money. If there are any amounts of money spent that did not go for his care, those amounts will need to be paid to Medicaid before they start paying the bills.
Another question would be if your sister's spending habits have changed dramatically in the 2 years she has been your father's POA. A "boob job" is not very expensive (in many places, a "boob job" is less than $5,000), and her boyfriend could have paid for his own home renovations. Saying that "she" did the renovations cannot be supported unless you know where the money came from to do the renovations. Unless you know about her boyfriend's financial status, making accusations is unfair. Maybe he inherited some money, maybe he makes enough money to do the renovations, maybe he was a great saver & had it in his savings account----there are any number of ways someone could have money to do house renovations. Maybe he took out a home equity loan. Maybe he borrowed money from a family member or friend. Maybe the work done to his house is a "payback" from people he has done business with in the past. You have no idea where that money came from. And, it really isn't any of your business.
I'd have to say, as long as your father's needs are being met, he is being taken care of & there have been no problems, leave it alone. Quite honestly, his finances are not your business because you were not made POA. Instead of worrying about his money, be happy that he is being taken care of. Go visit him & spend some time with him. Concern yourself with your father's quality of life instead of his money.
I concur with others who have advised charlie75 to consult a lawyer if he is willing to pay the fees with no guarantee that it will get him anywhere. His assumptions may be way off base or right on target, but he won't be able to make a move without the assistance of an attorney who can ascertain if there is ample evidence of wrongdoing.