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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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What is the best way to break this news to my mother. How does one handle a dementia mother at the funeral? Should she go to the funeral? Is the too traumatic for her? I truly don't know what to do.
I guess it depends on her level of dementia. Is she able to process and remember this information? Would you have to remind her each day of hid death? Is it difficult for her to deal with lots of people at a funeral?
My guess is that if you have doubts about any of the above issues it may be better for all concerned for her to skip the funeral. You may or may not even want to tell her of the death depending on her mental ability. I also worry about my Dad if my Mom were to die. I would probably have to keep reminding him by the hour that she is gone. It's tough. Good luck to you.
I think it depends on how far mom is in her dementia diagnosis. Does she recognize everyone, can she hold a conversation with people, is she mobile, did she know your brother was sick? If it is early on in her diagnosis i may take her. I would tell her now and see how she handles it. This is a decision only you can make. If you are the one who spends the most time with mom and you don't think it is a good idea that she go to the funeral then let her stay home. If you think it will be too upsetting for her then in my opinion, it is really not worth it for her to go. My condolences to you and your family at this most difficult time.
What will happen if you don't tell her? Will she need some reason why he does not visit or is she beyond that? Will you have to tell her about it every day because she will have only a vague recollection that something very bad happened? If those answers favor telling her, then by all means she should have the option to attend the funeral, with as much physical and emotional support available that you can arrange.
I told my mom when my dad died and we took her in a wheelchair van, and not everything was "perfect" about it, but - it was the right call for us.
And, God bless YOU, because you have lost a brother, and still have to provide for Mom instead of really having time and energy to just grieve your brother...hugs.
My brother had ALS. He hads been in a home for 2.5 years. He had been unable to communicate during that time.
We took my mom to see my brother 2 times while he was in the facility. It was hard on her both times and she talked about him for a couple of months afterwards and continued to ask if he'll have to be in the hospital yet. We could tell her about the disease and she didn't understand how he got it. She would cry about him.
I don't know how she would handle it. I'm still not certain what to do.
Based on your last comment, I don't see the benefit to telling your mom your brother has passed away. If she's only seen him twice in the past couple of years and he couldn't communicate, then he hasn't been a regular part of her life for some time. If she asks about him, you can give her some vague, comforting answer about where he is and then distract her.
Hugs to you - as VStefans said, you've just lost a brother but still have to focus your energy on mom and how she's doing instead of grieving your own loss. I'm so sorry you have to figure this all out. Whatever you do will be OK - there's no right or wrong answer for a question like this.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My guess is that if you have doubts about any of the above issues it may be better for all concerned for her to skip the funeral. You may or may not even want to tell her of the death depending on her mental ability. I also worry about my Dad if my Mom were to die. I would probably have to keep reminding him by the hour that she is gone. It's tough. Good luck to you.
I told my mom when my dad died and we took her in a wheelchair van, and not everything was "perfect" about it, but - it was the right call for us.
And, God bless YOU, because you have lost a brother, and still have to provide for Mom instead of really having time and energy to just grieve your brother...hugs.
We took my mom to see my brother 2 times while he was in the facility. It was hard on her both times and she talked about him for a couple of months afterwards and continued to ask if he'll have to be in the hospital yet. We could tell her about the disease and she didn't understand how he got it. She would cry about him.
I don't know how she would handle it. I'm still not certain what to do.
Hugs to you - as VStefans said, you've just lost a brother but still have to focus your energy on mom and how she's doing instead of grieving your own loss. I'm so sorry you have to figure this all out. Whatever you do will be OK - there's no right or wrong answer for a question like this.