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First, to answer questions: My mom is 92 and in good health. She lives independently and brings in helps as she needs and is ready to accept help. I have the Medical POA. I live 10 minutes away. My siblings live far away and visit throughout the year. She see's her doctors regularly and none have diagnosed her with dementia nor see a reason for testing for such. I am listed as her POA with my contact info in all her medical records. While she has slowed down quite a bit, she remains cognitively healthy. I am 71 and in relatively good health, live with my husband who helps out a lot and have two dogs. After reading all your responses and talking to my counselor, I realize that I am doing all I can for mom and she is doing the best she can. I need to be satisfied with that and let her live life as she see's fit. We regularly discuss her wishes at any given point in the spectrum of her care, including what facility she wants to stay at if needed. I have a consultant ready when my siblings and I want a family meeting. I think I have the basis covered. So, it is with more reflection that I realized a lot of my anxiety about her physcial decline is my saddness about losing my mother. It is important that as care givers we are aware of our grief as we care for those in the last season of their lives. Now that I am reassured I am doing a good job as her daughter taking care of her, I can relax and enjoy our time together much more. Thank you, again for taking the time to respond to my story. I do feel much better.
Sue

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Thanks for the update Sue. I’m glad you have been reassured that for now things are fine. It’s good you have a plan in place for next steps as needed. I hope your siblings will accept that all is well for now and know they only need visit to see for themselves.
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It’s a huge step forward when you come to peace with any situation and what’s to come. In truth, we don’t control anything, we simply fool ourselves into thinking we can. You’re blessed to have a mother you love still in your life, enjoy the time now. Thanks for the update, it will encourage others walking the same path
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"She see's her doctors regularly and none have diagnosed her with dementia nor see a reason for testing for such."

I am listed as her POA with my contact info in all her medical records. While she has slowed down quite a bit, she remains cognitively healthy."

Have you gone into her health clinic portal to see when and if she was actually tested for cognition and memory? And if so, what the actual outcome was? I'm asking because many seniors tell this story to their children because the don't want to deal with reality or are afraid of what the tests may show. I'm my Mom's DPoA and I set up her annual physical (covered by Medicare) and then put a note in her portal (for discretion) to make sure to test her so that we have a baseline measurement. I also had to do this for my MIL (I was her Medical Representative and secretly handed the doctor a note asking for the tests because she was refusing but we had reason to believe her memory was impaired, and it was. I sat behind her in the appointment interview and she wasn't giving accurate/truthful answers to the doctor's questions (mostly due to her impaired memory, which she didn't believe she had).

If you haven't already accompanied your Mom to an exam and specifically requested a cognitive and memory test, I would make sure this happens soon.
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