which lately is all day everyday. She sat me down last week on bed and said since I was gone a day did I find out something to get her out of this mess? The next day she was stressing about how lousey she feels. She just had surgery last week and surgery went okay but she feels like I had something to do with them keeping her overnight for same day surgery. She fakes it just enough to let her go home. What do I need to make sure the lawyer covers with her if I do get her to go which probably be a slim chance of happening once?
Unless you have specific questions in mind, you will not need to tell the lawyer what to cover with your Mom, except to determine which documents are important to have in place. One of the things the lawyer will do is sit with her privately and ask some questions - I think primarily to determine her 'legal competency' to choose and sign any legal agreements. My Uncle was concerned what the lawyer would ask him, so we went over basic things he already knew, like DOB, age, day, month, year, address, President, political affiliation. I think he was overly concerned, because my uncle said he was just asked very basic questions that were really easy to answer, like some of the above, and some family questions. I'm sure the lawyer will see that you want to act in your Mom's best interest and will try to prove competency so she can proceed. The usual main douments are the Will, DPOA (financial) and MPOA (medical), but there may be others suggested depending on your family financial circumstances. It is customary to have the MPOA and the DPOA be the same person. Some POA documents also specify a successor POA as well. I think the MPOA (medical) is extremely important to relieve you of tough medical decisions down the road. It is much more comprehensive than a Health Care Proxy. The whole point of doing the MPOA is to have the elder person make their own voluntary decisions (while still able to do so) about how they would want to be cared for if they became terminally or irreversibly ill and were given 6 mos to 1 yr to live. It is so much easier to have this kind of thing on paper, rather than struggle with excrutiating decisions later on. As you say, grab the chance to get this done ASAP, while she is still has her wits. Maybe persuade her with a promise to go shopping or a movie, or ice cream afterward. Good luck!!
had surgery last week she seems to be more self involved . She had MPOA in hospital 2 months ago really worried about POA durable for finances. Thought she would be getting better not worse . Tried to take care of medical issues first but not enough family just me and brother who is disabled himself to do everything else. Been so involved with daily survival of getting thru each day. Mom had been so independent this was from left field not much warning signs, just some stomach issues . No depression before this episode.....VERy Independent and TOO PROUD to ask for help...NOt that there seems to be much available with all the CUT BACKS on programs. Not much going out except for doctor appointments ...Mom never was one for going to the doctors she pretty much stayed away from that and lived life working hard all her life.......I thought it was exhaustion not a BREAK DOWN.....How Nieve I was. ..
lawyers don't seem to want to deal with mental ill people you become a third class citizen and so does your family. My Mom has brought up some interesting points as well so her thinking is cognizant at times. She does get upset if she can't remember WHEEL OF FORTUNE PUZZLE FROM THE DAY BEFORE...she is testing herself. And usually gets even the hard puzzles she is worried about meds she is on for depression effecting her thinking.