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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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. Reasoning is reduced to very brief clips. " I want to go home" is a demand. You just say "NO". They can process NO, but not a long litany of reasons for not going home. If your tone is angry, they become angry. Try to be non-excited with your NO. Just matter-of-fact, like the MD or RN.
either one of the above would agitate me . no offense whatsoever . whats wrong with ; theyll take care of you here , youre safe here , doc wont let you go , etc .. you need some phys rehab is another , and yes phys rehab continues even in nh . muscle atrophy would result otherwise .
back to your original question 15yrs , attempts to reason have to come in short of argueing . that sure doesnt work . there isnt much reasoning ability there .
Reasoning does not work with a person who is incapable of reason.
Sometimes the ability to reason comes and goes. (That is especially common in Lewy Body Dementia). If that is the case, save your reasoning for lucid periods.
I tried reasoning early in my husband's dementia. It didn't convince him and left me frustrated.
Keep your own goals clearly in mind. You don't need to prove you are "right," you just need to calm your loved one, or help him feel safe, or get him to do something for his own safety, etc. If this is a time when reasoning isn't going to work, come up with other approaches.
If you'd like to share specific examples, you'll probably get more specific responses.
I am now working with a lady with LBD.... she wants to go home.... she is home, but not to her..... so I just say some very nice people have let her and her husband stay there for a little while.... we talk about the bed she will sleep in, that her nightgown is here.... ect.... always with a calm voice..... she responds to this most of the time....on the times she doesn't... I just try to validate her frustration and confusion..... something like, yes, it's hard when you want to go home and things just haven't worked out for that yet, ect.... always in a calm and supportive voice..... not condescending.....she is not a child... she is a grown woman that is confused and wants to go home....she usually calms down in due time..... like I have said a million times on here... we accomplish so much more with them if we 'go to their world, they don't live in ours anymore'.....
excellent , ladyee . ( imo ) a few nights ago i suggested to edna that id bring my scissors tomorrow and snip the bangs out of her eyes . tomorrow came and i had the scissors in my pocket . after lunch when she started battle with the flyaway hair again i pulled out the scissors and gave em a couple of chops in the air . not a word spoken . edna smiled , closed her eyes and leaned her head towards me . interesting that her short term memory retained the promise of a haircut . im clearly coming and going into her world at every visit .
Point of trying to reason? I would say focus on redirecting. Only you as the people that are involved in the placement of your loved one know if you are going to be bringing them home. There is no reasoning, because I have witnessed 10 years after being sent to an establishment, that they want to go home. Did you know that most of them do not even know what home is? Just one answer out of many.
This is a sad sad disease, and I know it hurts you very much not to have the magic answer. Just know you are doing the best you can, and love your loved one, and tell them you will be back ___________. With my mother, we cannot tell her when we will be back, otherwise, she will not go to bed waiting for us. Blessings to you.
Trying to reason with my mother just caused her to rage. Up until now I've told fibs like "Well keep going to PT so you can get stronger so you can _____". She's deteriorated so much the past six months I find the best thing is to tell her about the pets (one each of the dogs and cats was hers, though she often can't remember their names), how the veggie garden is coming long, house renovations, the weather and so on. Those things make her happy, calm and keep her away from dark thoughts which cause so much agitation..
No you can not reason with someone with dementia at all. Once something is in their head you can explain, give examples, show examples etc. etc.--nothing works. They will bring up the same thing every day, even they word it the same way. Agitation goes so high to the roof. Nothing works!! Sorry.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
attempts to reason have to come in short of argueing . that sure doesnt work . there isnt much reasoning ability there .
Sometimes the ability to reason comes and goes. (That is especially common in Lewy Body Dementia). If that is the case, save your reasoning for lucid periods.
I tried reasoning early in my husband's dementia. It didn't convince him and left me frustrated.
Keep your own goals clearly in mind. You don't need to prove you are "right," you just need to calm your loved one, or help him feel safe, or get him to do something for his own safety, etc. If this is a time when reasoning isn't going to work, come up with other approaches.
If you'd like to share specific examples, you'll probably get more specific responses.
a few nights ago i suggested to edna that id bring my scissors tomorrow and snip the bangs out of her eyes . tomorrow came and i had the scissors in my pocket . after lunch when she started battle with the flyaway hair again i pulled out the scissors and gave em a couple of chops in the air . not a word spoken . edna smiled , closed her eyes and leaned her head towards me . interesting that her short term memory retained the promise of a haircut . im clearly coming and going into her world at every visit .
This is a sad sad disease, and I know it hurts you very much not to have the magic answer. Just know you are doing the best you can, and love your loved one, and tell them you will be back ___________. With my mother, we cannot tell her when we will be back, otherwise, she will not go to bed waiting for us. Blessings to you.