Today my mother was outside the house going through the trash bin( huge amounts of diapers w/ human feces, dog poop and cat litter poop, etc). She realized today she had lost her wallet and thought she had left it in a white plastic bag. I told her we would call around, etc but not to go through the trash! I then left to take my shower. when i came out that's when i realized what she was doing. This is not the first time this month she had dug through this biohazard waste. The other time she was looking for her pack of cigarettes.
I was so mad. I'm so tired of living like this. Constant cleaning fecal matter/germs off of everything. I don't know what to do. I just want to put a blanket over my head and sleep awhile. I'm exhausted..mentally and physically. Anybody think I'm overreacting? Or do i have a right to not to want to live like this! I really need help with my mom.. now her washing machine broke and im doing 180 pounds of laundry every week because her clothes and blankets are soaked with urine/feces..she takes her briefs off when im not home or in the middle of the night. I don't have the money to afford a caregiver. And if i did..she would likely run them off. I'm constantly mopping floors.At night she goes through two tranquility maximum briefs and the disposable chucks to the point it spills on the floor. She has a small dog and a cat..so I'm cleaning their crap up all day too. The pinnacle of my week was waking up late to a naked mother making a Keurig Coffee sitting in her own diareah that was all over the wheelchair seat, the floor etc. Took me three hours of clean up control. I've been doing this three years..her VA Drs..psychiatrist..social worker..nobody is helping me. She is cruel to me on top of everything else and i just want to leave but I'm afraid of her safety. She is my only family..but im very exhausted. Oh btw..she discharged herself out of three nursing homes. The last one she discharged ama and was on the street for 5 hours with no money wearing spoiled clothes in a wheelchair while i was 1000 miles away. Help..any advice??
I would call APS and find out how you can leave without facing any issues for leaving a vulnerable senior alone. I would think that her being able to check herself out of a nursing home means that she can do whatever she wants, but you need to protect yourself from charges. Screwy system.
I give you loads of credit, because I would have called 911 when I found her naked sitting in feces. That is my break point. You are a strong woman indeed.
Isthisrealyreal is right, you need to call APS and protect yourself because I too would have called 911. You my dear are over your head in this situation! I would find a social worker and tell them you can't do this anymore! I mean I would tell them that your emotionally and physically used up and that now you are starting to have health problems. And really if she can check yourself out of a NH then why do you need to do all this. Find a way to get out of this horrible situation. Please save yourself.
I would do that and then make a copy and give it to her doctor. Here know it all MD this is a day in the life, you can honestly say that she doesn't need fulltime facility care?!?
The thing with leaving her is that it will get the authorities involved because she obviously can not live alone. You are going to have to stop being her solution for anything to change. Do you really want to have your health completely fail and then she really is all alone with no advocate?
You matter in this situation and if she can't be nice and appreciative then she needs to get a dose of reality, you don't have to be her scratching post.
Next time you call 911 you can tell them that she needs a psych evaluation and then they take her for a 72 hour observation period because she is a danger to herself or others. This could pull the trigger to get you help for getting her other care besides you.
You have to decide what you want to have happen and then take 1 step at a time to achieve the goal. You can't change her, but you can change how you deal with her.
I understand how you feel about the animals, they are better companions than some people and definitely give more love than some worthless humans.
Im like 😧 gobsmacked! Everyone tells me to go to her Drs..then her Drs tell me to go the state..then the state tells me to go to the VA but eventually everything just ends up on me.
As far as diapers..she refuses to wear them. So i use briefs and she pulls them off in the middle of the night. I can't duct tape..she is really FEISTY..She is 68 and high cognition..verbally astute..masters degree, etc. She will scream and argue and when i take her to the VA she puts on a sweet little girl act. But they have documents to prove otherwise!! sorry if i sound so negative?? Its just I've been going around and around..and im exhausted and toured and my shoulders hurt and my back hurts and everytime i get help..she refuses it and im stuck ...i don't even understand how a person who can't toilet themselves or clean themselves can refuse adult daycare( it took me two years to have her qualify) . that would have been two days of rest for me but why is she allowed to refuse when im the one who needs the break?
I also apologize for my horrible writing. Im writing to try and clarify and get some help but writing just consecrates my feelings of hopelessness and frustration.😰
In the meantime, do you live near a place of worship? I suggest you contact their main office and ask if they have a care ministry. Explain your exhausting circumstances to them to see if they can provide any help at all, of any kind, just to give you a break. Call more than one church or other house of worship. I'm an elder in a small church and we often help people who have never stepped foot in our church. Wishing you rest and peace and solutions!
It looks like you got wonderful advice and support here. If you got her officially diagnosed with dementia (if that’s her issue) or whatever, then maybe that would help you get more professional support. Document for sure. This not the behavior of a clear-minded person. Bitterness and anger I get, but the other behaviors are extreme.
keep everyone updated. Hugs to you!! Praying you find peace soon.
The Social Worker told me to call Adult Protective Services. Im not sure if they will designate her unfit to live at home alone and make her a ward of state. That is my fear I guess but don't know what else to do. Thanks for replying!