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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I recently read that if a person with AD reads the answer to their question, they remember it much better than if you simply tell them. Perhaps you could have a few cards printed up with a picture of you when you were little, a picture of you now, and underneathe, "your daughter, _______". Then, when he mistakes who you are, say,"I'm your daughter. See? Read this." Maybe something like this would help.
I agree, go with it and try and change the subject like "tea?" or something. My Mom cries and cries for her husband and one time by husband walked in and she said "Oh you're home!" and held his hand for about 30 minutes, we just went with it and it made her so happy. Sad, so sad, they must have such lonliness in their minds.
They say in AD you sequentially lose memories most recent to oldest - so it may seem to the person with it that they should be in the situation they were in many years ago. There was a relaly really helpful article about that somewhere....I thought maybe it was linked to on here but I cannot find it now.
My mother in law thinks her son is her husband and sometimes yells at him for standing her up for their wedding. He just goes to the basement and works on his projects. She is very nasty towards me when he is not around...where I just laugh at her...but there are times I want to yell. The other night I asked her if she was hitting on my husband she yell "he's not yours yet" We've been married 27 years. I can't wonder however if it was a father thinking I was is girl friend.
This bazarre behavior is all part of the several steps of AD--I would first contact the neurologist-as there could possibly be an underlyng reason whay he is thinking this way-and it could possibly be corrected...I would also contact your nearest chapter of the Alzheimer's Association-for their input and support. This is quite difficult to witness-as he is your Dad, but keep in mind, he is in a different world-and that of Alzheimer's.....been there as well-and had to deal with it. Best to you on this journey, Hap
I remember when once my Dad, with vascular dementia and in a nursing home, said wanted to touch my sweater I was wearing - and touched me on the breast! Eek. Just a little disnihibited too. I tried mot to make too much out of it, and that proved to be the right way to handle it. Staff had to work with him on not touching ladies bottoms too. It was never a really big deal though it could have been if he had not repsonded to limit setting.
Recognize first of all that his mind is simply not working as it once did. He has no clue what reality truly is. Logic and reason are not recognized as part of his human condition and when they do arise out of his inner depths they are both quickly passing and of far less importance in his mind than are the emotions he is experiencing. To an Alzheimer's Victim, emotions are EVERYTHING.
Secondly, though of course boundaries must be repeatedly established and enforced due to his inability to remember, you might want to make every effort to view this aspect of life on a more positive side... as difficult as it initially might be. That, because wherever his mind is, he is in a very real sense admiring you for whom you represent. Doubtlessly, because somewhere in his mind he has a good sense of respect for you. (Remember - emotions are EVERYTHING.) As trying as it may well be to convert your thinking along these lines, try to keep at the forefront of your thoughts that he views you so favorably. Sometimes, during your learning curve, it helps to also try to view him as a third person - not necessarily the Dad you've always known.
My Mom often wanted us to be boyfriend-girlfriend... and even wanted to marry me. In that I had been able to really come to grips with the fact that she didn't live from the perspective most of us do - reasonable thinking as well as employing the use of logic and reason in order to help modify the level of emotions we are feeling - I viewed her closeness toward me as the result of my being able to better care for her inner joy in life... she was happy! No matter that the outward expressions she put forth were not anywhere near the bounds of reality, inwardly, she was happy.
As long as he is not getting sexual or making advances I'd go along with it and not correct him. With dementia our loved ones sometimes believe that we are someone else....look on the bright side- at least he believes you are someone he likes and not the other extreme where he thinks you are stealing or trying to hurt him. Yea, it can be gross- but at least he likes you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Best to you on this journey,
Hap
Secondly, though of course boundaries must be repeatedly established and enforced due to his inability to remember, you might want to make every effort to view this aspect of life on a more positive side... as difficult as it initially might be. That, because wherever his mind is, he is in a very real sense admiring you for whom you represent. Doubtlessly, because somewhere in his mind he has a good sense of respect for you. (Remember - emotions are EVERYTHING.) As trying as it may well be to convert your thinking along these lines, try to keep at the forefront of your thoughts that he views you so favorably. Sometimes, during your learning curve, it helps to also try to view him as a third person - not necessarily the Dad you've always known.
My Mom often wanted us to be boyfriend-girlfriend... and even wanted to marry me. In that I had been able to really come to grips with the fact that she didn't live from the perspective most of us do - reasonable thinking as well as employing the use of logic and reason in order to help modify the level of emotions we are feeling - I viewed her closeness toward me as the result of my being able to better care for her inner joy in life... she was happy! No matter that the outward expressions she put forth were not anywhere near the bounds of reality, inwardly, she was happy.
Good luck
V