My grandmother is 72 and has Alzheimer's. My mom, 42, and I, 23, take care of her, but we both work. My mom works 8-5 Monday through Friday. I work 11:30-6 Monday, Wednesday-Friday and 12:30-6 on Tuesdays. I know it's best to let her wake up on her own, but I have to make sure she is up and ready before I go to work so my mom can take her to her daughter's house for the afternoon (She lives with us at our house but can't stay on her own because we have pets). Lately, trying to wake her has become very difficult. She gets angry and yells. The other day, she slammed the bathroom door. I try to wake her very calmly and get her a cup of coffee made hoping that will help but it just hasn't. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Bless you for supporting both your Mom and Granmother in this way.
I found that my Mom’s morning waking depended greatly on her sleep.
Over time we adjusted or took these things into considerstion:
What time she she went to bed -
Adjusting sleep times so that waking happens earlier (or later). This meant turning down lights an hour before bedtime.
No stimulating activity or tv.
Keep the house quiet in the hour before bed and turn out any nearby lights when she is in bed.
How often she woke in the night -
Poor sleep makes anyone grumpy. We did everything we could to improve her sleep - Melatonin, Tylenol for her arthritis pain, lightweight down comforter that didn’t place pressure on her skin or get her tangled up at night. Keeping the room cool and quiet. Reducing liquids after 5pm to prevent toilet trips during the night.
Waking her slowly/gradually -
Opening the door and letting light into the room first.
Playing soft music.
Dont rush. Start early and take it slow.
Break up your visits to her room. Don’t hover or pressure her.
Dont talk a lot. It can be jarring when you are not fully awake or resisting waking.
Visual cues, familiar smells and sounds to wake up to are better than words -
Open curtains.
Lay our her daytime clothes.
place coffee where she can see (and smell) it.
Smile at her when she looks at you.
Music rather than an alarm clock.
Morning news played very softly.
Giving her pleasant things to wake up for -
Use TLC throughout the waking and dressing process.
Let the pets, if she likes them, come and greet her.
Bring her coffee/toast/juice on a tray.
Speak minimally and softly
dont give instructions - make statements “Good morning Grandma.” instead of “time to get up.” I made you some nice hot coffee and toast” instead of “have some coffee it will wake you up.”
Offer to help rather than instruct - “Can I help you sit up?”
Best of luck to you! Daughters like you are golden. Remember to take give yourself TLC too in the mornings.
It was a great help to me and my wife when we were able to change her doctor over to an agency that visited our home. They had a care manager we could contact anytime we had a problem and followed up with us at least monthly, and the agency had a doctor, NP, nurses, social worker, etc available to make periodic visits, all covered by Medicare.
There are tons of different kinds of alarm clocks on the market today. Find one that plays soft music that slowly gets louder, or birdsong.
Make sure she’s getting enough sleep. I’m sure crabby if I don’t and everything sets me off. As a final solution, maybe have a caregiver come in for a few hours in the morning who could take her to her daughter’s house when she’s ready.
Is there a reason your sister can not come to your house to watch Grandma? It will get more and more difficult to transport her and she will also begin to sleep more. Sleep longer and more often.
You also might want to get her into bed a bit earlier if it is getting more difficult for her to get up. I do like the sounds of the house starting to wake her before she "has" to get up. Voices either yours and your Mom's as well as the TV or the radio will work. If there is a light dimming possibility start the lights on a bit low then increase the light in the room. This will work as the days get shorter and it remains dark longer. Switch the bulbs to LED ones so the light is a more true light.
Maybe a light dimmer is something we could look into installing since we don't have one. Thank you.
I know having to wake her up isn’t the ideal option but as a group of caregivers helping each other out, do we really need to judge each other on how things are done? I try my best to wait till the last absolute moment she has to get up. She even used to work as a home health aide and now she’s the one who needs the help. My mom and I are trying the best we can between us. She’s not even my mom’s mom. She died in 2008.
I appreciate all the helpful tips but would really appreciate if the judgemental comments could come to a stop.
Please understand the occasional judgmental sounding comment usually comes form a tired and stressed out care giver, sometimes with some bad experience forming a very strong point of view. That view may not apply to the situation you have posted about at all and in the moment they didn't give your situation a full consideration. I don't believe being judgmental was intentional.
I also dont like to fall asleep in the chair and have him tell me i need to go to bed ... since then i wake up and just lie in bed wondering why im still not in the chair where i was sleeping peacefully.
Grrrrrr !
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