I have been going out of my way to accommodate my 84yr old mother food requests. I am understanding about taste buds issues of the elderly. My mom will ask for food to waste it. Then turns around within 20 min asking for something else. She remembers wasting the other food. She also refuses to eat leftovers. We can't afford it and I'm over it after 2yrs of it.
I've been doing this for 30 years, with children and adults. It saves a lot of food and a lot of annoyance.
Honestly, who cares what she tells other people?
My great grandpa told anyone who would listen that my grandma never fed him. This, about a woman who never let a human being or animal leave her presence without PIE!
We all knew he was “full of beans”.
Look at other options for her care. You might not have the will to stand up to her and that’s ok; mother/daughter relationships are super complicated. Going around and around like this isn’t healthy. I would be willing to bet that she will not be nearly as difficult in a different setting with someone else.
Take it or Leave it!
Better yet, maybe give her a nightly menu with one simple option, for instance,
Tonight’s menu:
(Whatever you’ve planned for your family), or
Grilled cheese and tomato soup
Period.
You can dress it up however you want, i.e. Four cheese panini with tomato basil bisque!
My Grandparents cure-all for fussy eaters.