I have been going out of my way to accommodate my 84yr old mother food requests. I am understanding about taste buds issues of the elderly. My mom will ask for food to waste it. Then turns around within 20 min asking for something else. She remembers wasting the other food. She also refuses to eat leftovers. We can't afford it and I'm over it after 2yrs of it.
Stop the madness. No one gets snacks every twenty minutes not even kids.
Keep a steady supply of crackers and canned soups, and tuna, luncheon meat. Meals would be three times a day. If she decides to complain and feed it to the dog, that's on her.
Telling and threatening you are mean and she is going to tell everyone you are mean, I would find a nice place where she could live. Mom is not in charge of your home. You are in charge. It is not elder abuse to take a stand.
I spent $300.00 dollars on groceries for myself and I still don't have everything in the house that I need. Sure, it's easy to holler you want to eat every twenty minutes when you are not footing the bill.
Who listens to Teepa Snow. I'm with Burnt on this one. Send Teepa the bill. While you're at it, I'll include my bill also! LOL
If there is nothing wrong with your mum - she's just old, but an adult nevertheless - then she should understand that you're not there to wait on her. She's lucky you are looking after her at all.
If your mum continues to make your life miserable, then you should part ways. There is no good reason to make your life worse for the sake of hers.
I am just curious why you haven't told her to stuff her nasty threats and why you put up with someone that is all there, according to you, threatening your very freedom, because senior abuse is taken seriously and she is risking your life with her lies. Grow up and tell her that her free ride has just ended and her hateful a$$ is going to be placed for her own well-being and your life.
The food banks in my area have no income thresholds so that might be something to check into to help your budget.
As was the case with my grandmother, it could potentially be dementia or Alzheimer's at work.
Keep things simple. As someone else said, either your mum eats the meal you have cooked for your family, or you give her something very easy, such as a small bowl of tinned soup and a slice of toast, or a boiled egg and soldiers, or cheese on toast.
As someone else said, only give small portions and give more if requested. Otherwise, it goes into the fridge for the next day, or frozen for another time.
Taste buds die, so taste changes drastically. Furthermore, cells in the brain die, including those that process taste.
I suggested to my mum's husband that small portions of food be frozen so there's a selection to choose from at a later date. Or, because he could afford it, buy ready meals that don't take any effort for him to heat and serve.
Don't worry about your mum getting a balanced meal, or whether she has enough veg or protein. You just want to ensure that her hunger is satiated.
If she doesn't want to eat much, I would respect that.
If you are in the UK ask about getting her prescribed meal replacement shakes, if the fussiness stops her eating. If prescriptions aren't too expensive in the US, do the same.
Then present your mum with a choice of a meal she likes or a shake
Try small portions. And snacks.
For instance;
half of a cut up apple,
a small yogurt
a handful of crackers
a jello or pudding cup
a cup of soup in a mug
pay attention to the things she does eat to see what her preferences are, and give her that most often.
Try making something like a smoothie, or a protein shake if she is more likely to drink something.
The answer is no. No one does this.
Same logic applies to your elderly mother.
Now the part about refusing to eat leftovers. If she refuses to eat leftovers, she's not hungry enough. Don't serve her anything until she's hungry enough to eat leftovers and not complain.
Never tolerate brat behavior from children or seniors. If you're giving her good food, pay no attention to her fussing and don't cater to her. She may get stubborn and refuse to eat the same way a child does. A rumbling empty tummy cures stubbornness pretty fast.
My mother and her mother was like this for a while. They'd complain and pout over every meal. There was always something wrong with it even if it was what they wanted.
One day I did exactly what I remember my aunt doing with my grandmother when she started up with the complaints. She took her plate and threw it in the garbage. Then she got nothing until the next meal time. She learned quick that complaining and fussing aren't worth going hungry for. My mother certainly toned down he complaining and fussing too.
Maybe you should give my technique here a try. I'm sure Teepa Snow the world's leading "expert" on everything elderly would not agree. Then again she isn't paying your grocery bill is she?
If she screams and carries on let her know that she will not be allowed to remain in your home if she can't behave properly and that the food in the "home" you put her in will not be anywhere near as good as what she gets at your place.
It's good to have the nutrition shakes and snacks available for your mother, but I'll tell you something. When you give in and humor stubbornness, it only gets worse.
msybe you shd agree the menu and write it on a week sxheduke
gkntheu it with her and if queried revert to the schedule and say this is what we agreed for today sk tgat was cooked
maybe a meal replacement drink as back up or tin of rice pudding
snd stick with that
you’ll lose ur mind if u have to care and also worry about financials otherwise
best of luck
No, the OP isn't running a hotel/restaurant. Never humor this kind of stubbornness because it only makes it worse.
Can you afford to hire a caregiver 4 hours a week so you can get a break and head into town to get away from things. Or get someone else to sit with Mom for 4 hours so you can get a break?
We had firm meal times for Mom. 8:00 am for breakfast, 12:00 noon for lunch and 5:00 for dinner. If Mom had said she was hungry 20 minutes after the meal the CNA would have simply said our next meal is dinner at 5:00 and changed the subject.
If Mom did not eat all of her food it went back in frig and turned up on a plate the next day.
Read up on redirecting. If Mom would say something nutty, the CNA would acknowledge and then change the subject and ask Mom an unrelated question.
My Mom could be the same way when she stayed with me at times.
It seems sometimes our elderly Moms can only threaten when they don't like something, not just food. It's a control issue. You will never get it right. Sometimes but just enough to keep you trying.
Another thought is that she's lost her ability to fix her own meals and that's frustrating for her.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Caregiving is challenging in the best of circumstances.
Honestly, who cares what she tells other people?
My great grandpa told anyone who would listen that my grandma never fed him. This, about a woman who never let a human being or animal leave her presence without PIE!
We all knew he was “full of beans”.
Look at other options for her care. You might not have the will to stand up to her and that’s ok; mother/daughter relationships are super complicated. Going around and around like this isn’t healthy. I would be willing to bet that she will not be nearly as difficult in a different setting with someone else.
Is she underweight?