My grandma has insisted on staying in her house alone after grandpa died 7 years ago. He did whatever she said whenever she said...so she expects same from daughter and us 2 grandkids. We are the only family she has left. Everything was manageable for first 3 years or so. We would bring her groceries, bring her to bingo, etc. Though manageable, very difficult because of constant tantrums that nothing we ever did (according to her) was right. By the 4th year, not so manageable. She started having falls around the house. We offered her to come live with us. No way she said! Giant blowout tantrum with screaming and tears. Well she had a bad fall after that. Broke her femur. Couldn't be released home unless she had 24 hr care. I agreed to move in. She couldn't fix her own meals, couldn't change clothes, couldn't wipe herself after using the bathroom and couldn't bathe herself. Its now been 3 years, she still can't do any of those things but after more tantrums, I talked her into wiping herself (thank god). Well, I do not actually live in the house anymore but I and my mom and sister all visit 3 times a day. Every. Single. Day. We bring all meals and change/wash her, and empty her commode since she says she cannot make it to upstairs bathroom. So quite often she has threatened to leave our family out of her will. Any little thing sets her off to say that. You bring her lunch at 12:00 instead of 11:00, thats it! She says thru clenched teeth, "you're out of the will! I don't need you!" Well she has been threatening this for years. The day I moved in with her a nosy neighbor, who I already know does not like me or my family because of the way grandma portrayed us, she came up smirking and said "hey maybe she will be nice and leave you her house. Maybe." This neighbor lady and her husband by the way, have keys to her house. They were given by my grandpa but still....when grandma was in rehab for fall, my mom and I went to clean the house and smirky neighbor lady just casually let herself in with keys! I'm just wondering, after we are here taking care of her every need, can someone who doesn't even visit her just take the house my grandpa worked 2 jobs most of his life to afford???
She can can either pay you and your family or she can go hire an agency.
Stop letting her her abuse you for free...at least get paid.
If she doesn't agree then give her the phone number of local home care agencies.
This is NOT okay for her to behave this way.
We are not owed any inheritance whatsoever from anyone.
Some elder lawyers will come to house if there is a reason the client cant get to them, rare but not out of the question.
I'm sure if the neighbor is a friend she see's the comings and goings on ,it happenes more often than not that she may agree with grandma and has gotten involved. Not necessarily in her best interest. People in life can sometimes be self serving and it happens that it's not always in someone's best interest , the neighbor may be taking advantage of your grandma and helped her change her will, or it may be that there's to much concern about nothing. I would call her bluff and ask to see her will
and let's be mindful that generally people sometimes feel they are owed more than they actually are, if you have to be rewarded for every little thing you do you have the option to not do it ,,, good luck
Your profile does not tell us how old grandma is or what her medical conditions are. That would help.
Good that you are no longer living there. Has grandma setup POA's? That needs to be done. Or family goes to court, if she is not competent, to obtain guardianship. It sounds like that may not be possible since grandma is unlikely to want family to be granted it.
It also sounds like you may be jumping the gun on the inheritance issue. Grandma's resources are for her care. Often paying for Care will drain any resources that they may have.
Is grandma on Medicaid?
NO ONE is guaranteed an inheritance. As a matter of fact I think the money should be spent on the person that needs the care rather than squirreling it away to be doled out after the person that needed it has died.
If you or your family can not or will not provide the care that she needs contact Adult Protective Services, or contact your local Senior Services and talk to a Social Worker and explain that Grandma needs help and you can no longer provide the help that she needs. No telling what would happen to her assets and that includes the house if they determined that she needs 24/7 care.
If she were to be declared incompetent she would need a Guardian and that might possibly fall to the State since you said you can not provide proper care for her. Chances are the only ones that "win" in that situation are the Lawyers.
You don't say anything in ur profile about Gmas mental state or age.
Ur Gma needs a good physical with a cognitive eval. No rational person acts like Gma. No one in their right mind would allow another person to bath and toilet them.
Hopefully, Mom has POAs in place. If so, read them and see when they take effect. Immediately or when the person is found they can no longer care for themselves. As soon as its determined Gma is incompetent, then Mom can have locks changed on doors.
The answer to ur question is, yes, Gma can leave her estate to anyone she wishes. If Gma is found incompetent, she cannot change her will.
It is true that she could leave her worldly possession to whomever she wants and if there were documented examples of erratic behavior or incidents on her part or diagnosed dementia, you could contest her will if she left her things to someone else..but it wouldn’t be cheap.
You have to decide if you want to accept the abuse because you’re taking care of your grandma because you feel it’s the right thing to do regardless of any promised inheritance...or tell her she can pay you or call an agency and walk out and enjoy your freedom. It’s obvious you won’t be able to reason with her.
I wish you all the best.
My mother has narcissistic personality disorder and is a 92 year old spoiled brat. She needs constant attention and flattery and can't stand anyone who won't fall into line. My brother is severely alchoholic and my sister has antisocial personality disorder, alcholic, drug user and pathological liar. My brother is married to a woman who he hasn't lived with in 40 years but who sucks up to my mother, taking her leftover food and plants that were going to go into the trash from her serving jobs. One grandson is on meth, gobbles up my mother's groceries and passionately proclaims " Ioooooove you grandma" but disappears when she needs help. My mother is endlesssly flattered by this sucking up, never notices that these people take from her but never help and plans to favor them over me in her will. I'm the only one in the family who thinks for myself and tells her the truth; I was also my father's favorite and this galls the crap out of her. If she favors my siblings over me I plan a legal fight and will soon let her know that I have written a 30-page family history and chosen aggressive attorneys in case I need them. She's terrified of legal bills and proceedings so it may not be necessary after all.
As for the house, as another writer had mentioned, there will be a time when Grandmother will need a village to help her, thus any equity she has in the house will go quickly to pay for professionally trained caregivers, or for Grandmother to move to Assisted Living.
Depending on Grandmother's age, if she is in her 80's or 90's, she will dig in her heels to the mention of Assisted Living [do not call it a nursing home in front of Grandma] because she probably can remember her grandparents moving to such a place, and back then it was the County Home [mainly an asylum]. Grandmother needs to know that today's senior facilities are vastly different, and she would be around people of her own generation.
Keep us up-to-date on what is happening.