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My grandfather’s been living with my mom, sister and I since my grandmother passed away in 2017 due to cancer.


Since then we’ve had 3 bed bug infestations, all due to my grandfather bringing them in from taking care of his mother (who passed away late last year). He sleeps in a man-made room in our garage (he does have privacy since we built a wall in the garage). He’s completely independent, but does occasionally have difficulty getting around he (is over 6 foot and 330 pounds). He doesn’t see anything wrong with the bed bug infestation, even though it keeps reoccurring. We’ve tried bombing his room numerous times. We’ve even thrown out all of his old furniture and replaced it, only for it to get completely reinfested. He now sits in his chair with a spray bottle of alcohol and sprays them whenever he sees one on him.


We’ve brought up tenting the house due to him roaming throughout the house (even though he always has multiple bugs on him), and he absolutely refuses to pay for it, even though he does not have any financial issues.


We’ve been dealing with this problem for 5 years and I don’t know what to do. My mom won’t put her foot down and tell him what needs to be done to get rid of the bugs and gets upset when my sister and I tell him how mental we’re going because of the bed bug infestation.


I’m needing some advice.

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I think BlueEyedGirl94 may be on to something. Was this a permitted remodel?

" He’s completely independent, but does occasionally have difficulty getting around as he is over 6 foot and 330 pounds."

So what's the plan for when Grandpa needs more help with things? Are you going to wreck your back helping to lift him?

Time for you to move and live on your own. You are 22 years old. If your mother wants to put up with her father, that's up to her. YOU don't have to.
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sadtimes08 Oct 2022
You shouldn't assume one can just up and leave, especially in today’s economy.
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Find some roommates and move out. Work two jobs if you have to to afford an apartment.
Buy some cute things on Wayfair to decorate your apartment.

Nothing will happen until Mom decides to do something.

You are 22. Move out.
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How old are you, sadtimes? If you are old enough, move out and find somewhere better. If you are contributing to household expenses, leaving may make mother reconsider the economics of this ‘tolerance’.

I had bedbugs once, in a cheap hotel in India, and they were very uncomfortable. How does your grandfather manage to ignore them?
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Move
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She calls APS and they deem this makeshift room illegal, then were does grandpa go. I'd love to know how old he is if his mother died just last year. He could be 60 or 70, which if you are young, that seems old, its not. Maybe time for grandpa to find a place of his own. If he is 62 or over he can get Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare if 65.

Your Mom would have to ban him from the house. But I guess he uses the bathroom.
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call the Health Dept. They will force the issue to be dealt with. They may also report the bedbugs and makeshift garage room into Code Enforcement.
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So I'm wondering why he isn't concerned about it. A couple of things come to mind. Is he not worried because to date he hasn't had any issues from any bites? I've never dealt with bed bugs but a quick Google search indicates that "typically" their bites are majorly annoying but quickly resolve themselves for most people.

That being said...that's not always the case and in some cases their bites CAN get infected and can lead to other very scary types of infections like MRSA and Staph infections (although much more rare). You don't mention how old he is, and it's good that he's mobile but he's also over 300 pounds which is already a strike against him in the fact that he is going to have a lot of extra skin which also creates lots of places that infections can hide and get worse without him actually realizing it. Is there any possibility that you can possibly use scare tactics with him on the potential for infections that he's not considering?

One thought that came to mind when I read your post. Is he possibly concerned that in bringing in a contracted company to tent the house he is worried about outside eyes on him? By that I mean you mentioned that he is living in a "man-made" room in the garage. Maybe I'm interpreting that wrong, but plenty of people convert their garage to living space all the time. Do you mean it was a permitted remodel or something that you guys just did for him to live in and its not permitted as actual heated/cooled living space?

If its not actually permitted and enclosed as an actual living space, is it possible that he is worried that if you bring in someone from the outside to tent the house(as opposed to what you have been doing to date) that someone will object to the way he is living and decide they should report his living situation for some reason? I'm not saying they should - its probably perfectly nice. I'm just saying that he may be concerned that someone may object to his situation and say something that he doesn't want said and he doesn't want outsiders in the home and it may not be about money so much as having someone from the outside visiting.

Then there IS the matter of money. Depending on how old he is...no matter how much money he actually he has...he may be of the mind set that you don't spend money on things you can either fix yourself or just live with. My grandmother is like that. She has enough money to live incredibly comfortably for a long time...but she won't buy a 1/2 gallon of milk unless my mother splits the cost of it with her..and my mother is her only child and will inherit everything. She buys 1-ply Dollar Tree toilet paper if she is the one purchasing. She is incredibly frugal and that is admirable...but at the same time..she literally won't spend money on the things she actually NEEDS. It's a whole mindset. And part of it is the generation she is from. (She also won't throw most things away because she *might* need them later and almost never does)

The whole idea of bedbugs makes me itch all over. Is it possible that he also may not be able to FEEL the bites now? Does he have neuropathy and maybe doesn't feel the bites?

Sorry I know I'm all over the place but hopefully there are some thoughts in here to get you started.

Good luck!
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sadtimes08 Oct 2022
Hi,

1) scare tactics will/have never worked on him. he simply doesn’t care.

2) his “man-made” room was permitted. we had permission from our renter and it has proper AC/a heater.

3) i fear you’re right on the money-generational thing. he’s 70 years old and has always been insanely cheap unless he’s spending money on people who only come around when they need it.

4) no, he does not have neuropathy. he just stopped caring about his lifestyle after my grandmother passed away.
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This is your house? You own it? Then YOU have the right to establish standards.

In addition, this is an unhealthy situation for all. You also have the obligation to be concerned over others beside your GF on how this infestation affects each of you.

You could contact the local APS and ask for assistance, but in my experience is that they're basically worthless.

The local County government may be able to offer some suggestions though.
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Diatomaceous is what works on bed bugs. This tip courtesy of "The Captain" for those of you who have been around that long.

I don't quite understand why Grandfather has anything to say about this. It's your mom's house, yes? As Send says, she is the landlord and is legally responsible to remediate the bedbug issue.

Schedule the exterminator and send GF on an errand, or to the doctor that day.
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Send, take a flashlight to bed with you. When you wake up in the middle of the night, check the seams of your mattress.
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Sendhelp Oct 2022
Thanks Barb!
I will need a magnifying glass.
I wonder how dH will feel being awakened by a scream, if I find any.
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