I'm working part-time and when at home (where I reside with mom age 97 with dementia and an active 102 year old dad who is deaf) I am busy tending to household needs like laundry, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, appt making, shopping (for their needs).
I have crossed into the age band where I am now a "younger senior".
I work at a agency that helps older adults..so yeah, it often feels like I am living it 24/7.
One of my co-workers, a very sweet person whom I like is dealing with a health related family situation that happened suddenly/unexpectedly. The family member is currently out of the hospital and in rehab. The coworker is about 30 give or take. Has a father. Made comments to more than one of us about how dad wasn't eating well with the back and forth to the hospital. (Mom might have been the one to make dinner?)
Next thing I know...and I wouldn't have wanted to not be aware, I don't think......is that another co-worker set something up with a meals program they use at her own church to help people who are going through a rough time due to illness, death etc. It has specifics as to what they would want to eat, how to provide it (with containers to portion off so it can go in freezer for reheating) etc.
It's a list of days/dates and you can sign up as to what you will bring.
Clearly the person doing it is good-hearted. And then our leader chimed in with a follow up encouraging staff support which, because of her role/position made it seem more expected.
But my private reaction has been less than compassionate...it has been a bit angry. I again feel that the role of caregivers is not understood and taken for granted. (This has been demonstrated at the workplace as far as program planning). No one has ever offered me any help or assistance, and I feel this family can fend for themselves or learn to. Doesn't that sound heartless? And I really like this young co-worker. But my plate is full. I am exhausted by the end of the day when I come home and rush to make dinner for my folks. This just adds to my to-do list.
I am probably overthinking it all and just need to pass on the supportive aspect. I can't do it all. It doesn't mean I don't care. The woman who initiated it, imo, should have done what she wished to on her own. The director should have never sent the email she did but probably didn't realize how it would be taken at least by some of us. I think it would have been better to phrase it all in such a way as to let people know if they COULD, the person would appreciate it.
It's not good for employers to do these type things. I've seen employers take collections of donated sick days for one sick person, and yet not another when both were equally sick and losing work hours! It's unfair to the people receiving (or not receiving!) and giving.
I'd just say no thanks, with no explanation. You're not obligated to give any help or explanation. You've got more than enough on your plate, and even if you didn't have so much of on your plate, you shouldn't have been put in that position.
Ah well, as they say, this too shall pass. And don't forget, the email went to ALL the staff members.
No further explanation is necessary.
There are churches that provide meals for the needy. There are food banks. So why is this being asked at work?
Just like these phony GoFundMe deals! I do no give to these types of charities. I give to people and organizations that I choose to give to. I don’t like being pressured.
It honestly doesn't sound like a program that is going to last, IMHO. Or maybe it works wonderfully well---I'm sorry you felt upset by it.
Compassionate service, given for a day, a week, a month, a year....is often the one sustaining thing that helps a family in crisis. Along with the food comes a sense of love and community and that is as nice as the meal.
I TOTALLY get the CG burnout--I have had to 24/7 care for my DH on 4 or 5 occasions and that meant I barely slept or had time to think. My church wanted to bring in meals, but we both had a couple of odd food allergies and couldn't be so picky as to say "Please don't use anything with MSG in it." I just cooked and cooked and went a little crazy each time.
Yes, the woman should have been more sensitive to all the coworkers home dynamics, but honestly, you know she meant well.
You have every right to feel what you feel. I am sorry you are worn out. This time of year, everything feels like you're walking through mud, doesn't it?
Tell them you are ALREADY providing this service!
There is probably not a person checking the list to see who did not sign up, imo. It should have come across as a request for volunteers. But a heartfelt effort is not always a success, and has pitfalls.
If the church is organizing it, the volunteers are usually from church members, as I understand it, and the organizer would be a church member you would contact, usually, making only one who coordinates to avoid confusion.
I have read that it is best to align your help with the organization already doing the good work, not start your own with a smaller group of resources.
I would feel pressured and finagled too.