My mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer that has spread to her spine. She is bedridden. We were told nothing could be done for her. Hospice has been called in and do a wonderful job. No complaints there. The problem is I don't work for money. Meaning I also keep my 4 month old granddaughter. My 2 sisters work so I'm expected to do everything with no break. Just give up my life as I knew it. My home my husband, my 2 beautiful daughter /SIL and my grandaughter. I arrive at 5:30 am and take care of my mother and granddaughter til 6:30 or 7 pm. Every single day.. no day off. No "I'll try and get there earlier" nothing. The one sister gets off at 3:30. The other gets off at 5pm 4 days a week. Neither work weekends. I'm so tired by the time I get home all I can do or want to do is shower and go to bed. Hospice says mom is doing wonderful. I want to say " look at me, I'm not". I do everything. They split the nightshift. Everytime I say anything, all I hear is "you don't work, what have you got to complain about". I want to run away. I have nothing left. I feel numb anymore. I just hired some help to come in 5 hrs. A day so I can take care of my beautiful only granddaughter. Then I'll pack her up and go do another 6.5 hrs. Taking care of my mother. Rolling every 2 hrs. Bed pans cooking cleaning paying bills etc. Sisters has no kids or husband. They live alone with their animals. They could care less if I don't ever have time for my family. You don't have a job. I've heard this for 15 years since my dad died.
I'm too tired to finish. So sorry it's so long. I just feel better thinking someone is actually listening to me. Thank you.
Best wishes to you.
Also remember that Hospice does offer respite at their facilities for 5 days at a time, so please take advantage of that as well. That way you get a break and mom is being well taken care of. Your mom doesn't want you getting burned out taking care of her, this I know. Take care.
This is how I feel about your situation. If the parent of the child is single, then not being paid is OK. But if married and both working you should be paid. I have done both for the reasons listed.
Don't think you are going to change sister's outlooks concerning you at this point. Mom is dying. She, for now, is priority. I think, for now, you need to tell the parent/s of your grandchild you just can't care for them now. Tell them you are just overwhelmed and dealing with the impending passing of your Mom.
Or, just keep telling yourself that it will be over soon. Then u can fully enjoy ur grandchild.
Buy the way, that $100 was placed in a bank acct. When grandson turned 5 we used it for a family trip to Universal. I have great memories and at 7 he still remembers the trip.
No one can keep up the pace you're keeping right now for long. No one. So you have nothing to feel bad about, admitting you need help.
Monday morning, first thing, call hospice and ask for the social worker. Hospice exists to support your mom - but they are also there to support you. Tell the SW exactly what you told us here. Don't mince words.
First and foremost, Medicare will pay for up to 5 days of respite care for someone on hospice. Ask if the organization you are using if they have a hospice facility you can avail yourself of - if not, I'm sure they can guide you how to make use of the benefit. And if anyone needs respite, it's you.
Hospice can also supply aides to come in and help with bathing, etc. Additionally, they might also be able to supply you with names of people you can hire to come in and give you more help. If mom has any money, use that to pay for those services. Even just a few hours a day will make a difference.
I know how hard it is to ask for help, especially when your mom is in hospice, and you don't know how much time she might have left. I'm sure, like me, you feel that anything you "farm" out to "strangers" is depriving your mom of time left with her family. But you can't keep this pace up. You can't. Use that hospice respite option , if at all possible. You will be a better caregiver for it in the long run, when you're not used up by exhaustion.
Peace and hugs to you.