She quit eating food all together about 3 months ago but would drink ensure plus. Now she's fighting me every day about drinking it. I don't want her to go to a nursing home. I want her to stay in her home. She has severe dementia. She still remembers everyone but that is all. She barely walks and sleeps 12 to 20 hours a day. Do I have to put her in a home or can I just let her pass here?
Fair warning: Hospice can no longer accept a "failure to thrive" evaluation, so there has to be some combination of underlying conditions that merit the hospice care. Talk to the primary care doctor and hope s/he is aware of the criteria.
My heart goes out to you .. it's a miserable thing to watch and deal with. Just remember (in the hardest of times) that you love your mom. Even if the shell of a woman in front of you doesn't really resemble her. And, don't push her. I forget where I read it, but, the truth is: swallowing (eating/drinking) is the last voluntary thing we do. She's telling you she's ready.
This is a very difficult transition to make. Take all the help you can get. Learn everything there is to know. My mom just had her first major muscle contracture, because no one told me that she needs to have her joints and all exercised (passive range of motion).
Hospice will bring you whatever equipment you need (hospital bed, etc.), all meds for comfort, diapers and wipes....they are amazing. They even offer 5 days of respite for you, when they take her inpatient so you can have a break. AND YOU NEED A BREAK! Or, trust me, you will break DOWN.
My advice....come here often. Make time for yourself. Find someone, at least one person who will ALWAYS be there for you when you need anything, 100% of the time.
Best wishes to you.
If you think she' close to a terminal stage, talk to her PCP or other trusted doctor, ask for a home care evaluation unless you can get her to a doctor's office for an appointment. Brief the doctor's staff before to let him/her know that you're wondering if it's hospice time.
If so, you can bring hospice into your home until the end.
I'm wondering if your mother has been evaluated for anything since she stopped eating and if the doctors found any other issues.
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