They live in a split level house and had some falls down their stairs and taken on hoarder tendencies. My older brother and younger sister don’t live close by either. What should I do to protect her and him with them getting older and their quality of life is fading kinda quickly. They don’t really leave there house but my step dad does to get groceries and their meds and that’s about it. My mom spends most of her time either in her bedroom or just the living room. She is getting unstable with her walking and just every day living. What should I do or where do I start?
Can you convince them to consider a move to either Independent Living or Assisted Living?
A small house or unit in a Senior building might be great for them
In a Independent Living or AL they would have the advantage of getting transportation to the store, having staff and others around so if they need help it is there.
If this is out of the question moving the bed and bedroom furniture to the main living floor would eliminate some of the stairs. But this would only work if there is a full bathroom on the same floor. If the intention now is that they remain in the house some drastic renovations might have to be made.
Before anything (and in agreement with Daughterof1930) you must encourage your parents to get their legal documents created, if they haven't already. Wanting to provide care and legally being able to manage and advocate for them are 2 different things. Without legal authority to act in their best interests, you won't be able to get them to do anything against their wills (and as decline sets in the "wills" become less rational and more stubborn/fearful). They should also create a Living Will (advance medical directive), a Last Will, and maybe talk to an estate planner to see where they are financially and understand the need to make sure they can qualify for Medicaid if they need it (and many many seniors need it).
Next, you yourself will need to internalize some hard truths: others cannot morally or ethically be assumed into providing their care along with you. This specifically means your siblings and in particular, your immediate family -- which takes priority over your parents, period. Do not ever promise to keep your parents out of a facility "no matter what" -- many have no idea what this promise will do the adult child, or the parents. Don't make this promise, ever, even if you yourself wish to keep them out. Read a few posts under the Burnout topic category. Also, never think you can help pay for their care. Due to the unfathomable cost of care it is not a sustainable back-up plan and will only quickly drain your accounts and rob your family of its financial security. Medicaid for your parents is the answer in most cases.
"Seniorizing" your parents' home & lives: ask them if they feel overwhelmed or tired of doing this or that, have concerns or need help. If they aren't part of the decision-making process, you will be in for a battle, no matter how much you think they "need" something, and they will dread seeing your bossy face. Offer to do the research for solutions and present them with 2 or 3 options along with costs. Lots of things will seem totally logical to you and I, but it's what the changes *mean* to a senior that is often the hang-up. Unless there's an emergency, take it slow with them, it'll be worth it.
Sooner rather than later, help them get all their sensitive and private info secured. At some point there may be handypeople, cleaners, aids, etc. coming into the home and nothing should be laying around for prying eyes or sticky fingers. Get them a fire-proof safe and store unused checkbooks, passports, licenses, insurance info, prescription meds, jewelry, etc. Put it in a place that's accessible but out of view and make sure they know where the key is and you have the other key. Get a password keeper so that you can help them remember and access important accounts.
Suggest they install a garage keypad for entry into their home in case of an emergency. It's not really for their use, but they may like having it. Give the code to your siblings and ask your parents to not change it.
As far as convincing them to move...they will need to come to this conclusion themselves. My in-laws also lived in a split level and we could never convince them to move. They "moved" after they both fell and went into rehab and then facilities. Going to nice senior communities and taking your own pictures to show them will be easier than trying to get them to go with you. Show them how nice these places can be and all the activities and conveniences. But they may never want to move, so pick your battles.
You will be busy for a while getting them to think and prepare. I hope they welcome your attention and input. Be transparent with your siblings so they are allowed to be in on this with you and give their thoughts. This is just reasonable and helps keep harmony for your parents'
Most older people who are sentimental will tend to gather mementoes from a lifetime of travel, work and family. My parents were no exception.
When I visited, at the request of my parents, I did not disrupt their home. They were used to their things as they were and knew where to find the things they wanted. Some of my siblings would visit and throw things away - my parents felt those visits were no help - and the missing treasures frustrated them immensely.
If something, however, would have posed a health hazard or increased their risk of falling, I would have removed this with their permission.
My parents, too, spent more time at home. They loved their house and their private time together and I am grateful they had this time and space on their own terms.