I have been looking after my mom for the past seven years. I have durable POA. She suffered an injury two months ago and was diagnosed with dementia and TBI. As we had discussed in the past, I moved in with her and put my house up for sale.
My mom is in a much better financial situation than me. I am still paying electricity, homeowners insurance, lawn care, etc., at my own house while living in hers. I had to pay others a significant amount of money to finish some projects I had already started but couldn't finish so that it could be put on the market.
In the beginning, Mom could not do much for herself. I bathed and dressed her. I took care of her animals. I did the dishes, cooked all the meals, laundry, cleaning. As she improved, I encouraged her to do things for herself but she still has little use of one arm. I employed a contractor on her behalf to finish installation of a bathroom and am taking care of an insurance claim when an AC unit leaked causing $12,000 damage.
That is the backdrop of the situation. I am not a paid caregiver. Should I have to pay rent and/or split utilities, food, etc? Should I be a paid caregiver?
Mom's funds should also be paying for another caregiver so that you are not working 24/ 7.
there should be a contract.
There should also be a pay that when you are paid taxes are taken care of, Medicare is taken care of just like any other job. (this also makes it so that there is work history when you go to collect Social Security)
Since mom can not enter into a contract due to her cognition. And you need POA to take care of Financial matters and POA for Health matters you need to see an attorney preferably an Elder Care Attorney.
also check with your local Senior Service Center and or Area Agency on Aging to see if mom qualifies for any services.
If mom or dad was in the Military Service you can check with the VA to see if she would qualify for any benefits through the VA. You can check with either the VA or your local Veterans Assistance Commission. (their services are free)
1. Keep very accurate records of expenditures. This is essential.
2. Stop 'co-mingling' your $ with hers. It will / is creating havoc for you - and her. Although this advice may be 'too late' since you now live in the house.
3. If I were you, I would see an elder estate attorney and sort this out - and get you on the right financial / legal track ASAP.
4. You being a paid caregiver - sure, however you have much more bigger financial fish to fry (see an attorney).
5. It seems to me that you are now 'somewhat' stuck sharing / living in her house since you are / selling / sold yours. I would have strongly encouraged you to NOT move in and to hire caregivers, so you have some needed downtime -- separation. However, you did what you wanted and felt was the right way to proceed - caring for your mom (which you certainly do) so you now proceed as you can / need to given the circumstances.
6. I have no idea why you are paying for electricity? (or perhaps other bills for that matter since mom is in a better financial position than you are) - another issue for you to discuss with an attorney.
If you do not resolve this to your legal and financial benefit, you may be drained of your finances in serious ways that affect your financial future (if not already). Take care of yourself and get an attorney to help you sort this out.
Gena / Touch Matters
As POA you are responsible for every single penny into and out of her accounts and that all those pennies be spent on her and her only, for her own expenses, her own home, her own bills. Not for yours. And responsible for meticulous records of all the expenditure in and out.
Your leaving your home was by CHOICE. Now you are selling it. I advise you get your funds invested carefully and separately from mom's and keep them saved. If she ever has to go into care and requires Medicaid or other help then her home may be not hers, but Medicaid's by a lien placed upon it. You use her funds for the expenses of her home only.
Now we are down to all you do for her. That isn't a paid position. She cannot now hire and fire. She cannot act on her behalf so you are acting for her, and you must never act in a way that benefits YOU. so she cannot make a choice and say "Son, let's draw up a contract for your payment". Too late for that.
What you need and what IS paid for out of mom's funds is a trip to an attorney.
You need not to be on Forums taking the advice of an old bat like ME. You need the legal advice of an attorney on what a POA is, what records they keep and what they can spend on, what they can be paid for. You need also to ask whether it is or is not too late to do a care contract in which mom does pay you for shared living expenses albeit in HER home where you are currently living FREE. If you see what I mean. Because this could already be profitable to you by your living with mom and renting your own home out for its income.
See an attorney.
Learn the rules.
Learn your options, and how they can help you or harm you.
POA is a legal Fiduciary duty. If you are mom's only sibling, and her only heir (as I was with my bro) there are few who will EVER question you. But this isn't something you can plead ignorance of the law about. This is something it is your legal duty to inform yourself about, and not by a bunch of folk on a Forum.
My very best to you. I was POA and Trustee and know it is a job, to say nothing of attempting to watch over a failing loved one.
This is not my experience although that doesn't mean that there is continuity in differing legal requirements state by state. It would help others here to know why you think this way - or how you know this to be true.
During the time I cared for my mother, the only time I used my money was when she was on Medicaid and I had her house for sale. I was reimbursed at time of sale. Otherwise, her money was used. If she had run out, of course I would have paid for what she couldn't. But as long as she had it, I used it.
You should NEVER be expected to work for free or to contribute to the household expenses.
I was a caregiver for 25 years as employment. This is how caregiving works.
A live-in caregiver (which is what you are) receives free room and board in addition to their wages. Live-ins do not pay rent nor do they contribute financially to the household.
An hourly caregiver gets paid their hourly wage and their duties are laid out in writing. They also do not contribute financially to a client's household.
If you have POA and in are in charge of the finances, you can start paying yourself. Call up a few homecare agencies and get quotes for how much a live-in caregiver costs in your area. Then you start charging. Keep detailed records of dates, times, and wages paid to you. Have taxes taken out as well. You are working as a live-in caregiver. It's a job so start getting paid.
You may want to consult an elder law attorney and explain that you are your mother's live-in caregiver and how to set it up for you to receive payment from her finances. Getting things in legal writing always saves a lot of trouble.
You should be getting paid for your work.
Yes, some states Medicaid programs do have a paid family caregiver option. How they normally work is after the person receiving the care passes away or goes into LTC the money that was paid out to the family caregiver gets recapped if there are any assets in the person's name.
So if someone owns a house and assets and they are approved for the family caregiver option though Medicaid, Medicaid get their money back when the person passes.
Nothing is free unless people literally have nothing. A person who smartly removes assets from their name and transfers their property deeds to their families gets it for free. The family caregiver program through Medicaid will literally be free then because there are no assets to recap payment from after they pass away.
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