My mother in law is 78 years old with dementia and is getting worse by the day. Some days she can’t walk some days she can’t even stand up. Some days she’s moving around all day. Anyway, we had just discovered a bedsore on her tailbone and I told my husband that she needs to go to the doctor and he is acting like he knows everything and just says that she needs ointment and an antibiotic. Why won’t he just take her to the doctor so she can be evaluated???? What should I do? Me being the one home with her 24/7 with a 1 year old son that won’t even nap by himself. Making me barely able to do anything for her and he won’t hire someone either.
Can you take her to the doctor? Can you call her doctor and get advice?
If not, if you're seriously confined to a home where you have no access to transport or to medical advice, with a baby and a demented senior on your hands 24/7, I think you should honestly consider calling APS and getting advice. Your MIL is at risk of neglect, and if the person who insists on keeping control of her access to health care won't get her any, you have to do *something.*
If the bedsore is infected it can lead to serious complications. You're right that it needs to be looked at by pros.
But then I knew it had to be something else because it was you can’t come in to help – never in the bedroom or in the bathroom. Then one day the physician broke down and called me because he couldn’t reach my sibling/sister and let me know exactly how bad things were with mom and for how long.
She no longer was a candidate for surgery of her bedsore turned wound because they would need to dig too deep. A grueling surgery and grueling recovery according to doctor. I often wonder if the sepsis also was due to those pressure sores on her ankles and the tailbone wound..and whatever else being covered up.
Agree with CountryMouse. What stops you from making a Doctor's appointment for her & driving her there? Is she mobile enough to get into your car? If not, do a phone visit if possible. Tell the Doc what you wrote here: you have big concerns about her tail area & her fluctuating mobility + memory/aging. Maybe ask if seeing a Geriatrician is in order?
Are you worried about upsetting your MIL or Husband?
I had no qualms about taking my relative to her Doctor to introduce my concerns over her frequent falls, continence issues & lack of nutrition. I worded it in a positive light as *concern* rather than negative 'all this is wrong'.
I felt I had to speak up, regardless of upset.