My mother (who is 76 and lives with me) was diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer. She is opting out of treatment or surgery. Well, actually, it seems its not really on the table of options. I'm wanting to know what are the signs of final stages. I would like some insight to what I'm in for. I realize there are many wonderful facilities and organizations to help. But, I want to have some answers before I jump into finding what is best for Our situation. I want to keep her at peace. I also need to be at peace myself. I would love to hear, from the community, on what you all might know.
Thank you for this site. It has been a great release for me.
I concur with deffer12. You both need guidance and support and Hospice are gifted professionals. Take Care
I can't emphasize enough the urgency to call in hospice though. You may be feeling like a Girl Scout today; and you sound like me - organized, want to take on stuff on your own, but don't, please. Journaling and all is good, even working on a tribute to keep things in perspective...that's all great! And a darned pretty good distraction, because we DO need mental breaks when our world is swirling out of control, even if it is doing positive steps dealing with future grief.
I'll be blunt though, because I have a spidey-sense you can handle it - dying is often a very messy, heart shredding, no sleep, kind of business and you will need a support team. We were very fortunate in the hospice people that guided us in our journey. I was scared s#itless when my father received his diagnosis of brain cancer with 3 to 6 months. He died in 2 and a half months.
Here's the nitty gritty. Your mom's doc will need to sign off on her need for hospice. Once that happens, a social worker from hospice and a nurse will show up for an assessment of patient and family needs. I know I freaked out with the refrigerated morphine kit (of course, not in my dad's presence) but it made it so real. This is really happening???
What I'm trying to say is that in the initial stages it's just so much "planning" and then you're in unknown territory when cancer takes it final route.
My dad was okay at home until he had a really bad seizure. Thankfully, my brother was there. He went to the hospice house that day and died two weeks later. My mom was an incapacitated mess during this whole time, only visited dad once. That's a whole 'nother story I've talked about on here.
I encourage you to look for support. You can't do this alone and it's okay to ask for help. We're only human and God expects us to rely on one another.
It's the right thing to do. Prayers for your brother and you in the times ahead.
Suzie
I wish I could be more helpful. You and mom are going through so much right now. It's really hard for you both.
I don't understand about the meds. That is one aspect where hospice is extremely helpful. They've seen it all before and know how to best prescribe meds for pain, anxiety and such. Plus Medicare covers all drug expenses while a patient is on hospice. They'll even provide a Medicare paid hospital bed if the patient desires to die at home. The nurse and social worker visit weekly and there is a nurse on call that will come to your home 24/7. All of this is covered under Medicare.
That practical stuff was a blessing, but more than that, the hospice people were a tremendous resource. From experience, they can tell you what to expect in the days ahead and walk with you and your loved one mentally, emotionally and spiritually if that is what you both want. I can't imagine going through this without their help. It's unknown territory for most people, me included, and their wisdom made all of the difference in the world for my family.
Hugs to you and your mom and I hope you get some restful sleep tonight.
Suzie
I thought I would stop by and re-read some posts. I really appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. I lost my mom back in Aug '13. She really took a turn for the worse. I had her in a nursing home the last 5mo. She did good then the last three days were rapid. Sad to watch. But, Im glad she didn't linger on and suffer. I kept her comfortable and at peace. She passed with her family at her side. I miss her. But, I know she is where she wanted to be.
Thank you all and I send prayers to you all.
Call Amy Goldsbury at Cancer Care Point Center, 2585 Samaritan Drive, Los Gatos, CA @ 408 402-6611. Tell her your brief story and she will help you in the ways I guarantee you need and want. Maybe I will see you over there for one of their films and lectures of help. Take care of yourself too!!! William
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