Hello everyone! I have been caregiving for a Mom with severe mental and physical health issues. In short she is an angry narcissistic hoarder who refuses moving into a nursing home. She is unsafe at home and I am trying to get her to fill out end of life paperwork, mainly financial POA, she has health POA but at age 85 she refuses.
The scenario that will most likely play out will be she will fall and need hospitalization. At that point I will force her into a nursing home as I cannot continue to put my life on hold and she is unsafe at home.
My question is what will happen if she refuses to fill out a financial POA? At this point I don’t care, the state can have everything. I just don’t want to go into more debt because of her. Her only resource is her condo although she has roughly $15 grand in debt and no funeral plans.
Thank you in advance.
So you would need two doctors to declare your mother incompetent by reason of dementia. If she will not do a POA you would have to ask for conservatorship. If your mother fights this it would cost you 10,000.00 to try to get it. As there is no money in your Mom's estate, and nothing but bills, you would be in charge, even if you won guardianship, of an uncooperative senior who dislikes you, and all of her bills and paperwork.
I think, if your mother is not incompetent, that you need help for yourself in order to be able to exist this situation. If the hoarding constitutes a current danger to your mother, report her to APS. You need to know that the danger would have to be immediate and severe for the APS to help you get an order of temporary guardianship through social workers and in order for you to intervene.
As someone who serves as POA and Trustee for a marvelous and quite with it brother I can tell you it is a lot of work. To do it for an uncooperative senior hoarder who is alsoa Narcissist would not be worth one's life, to be frank.
Extricate yourself. There is likely little you can do. Allow the state to act in your Mother's behalf if action is called for or even possible, and accept that it may not be.
So sorry you are dealing with this. As to funeral plans, a cremation and disposal of cremains without service will likely cost you under 3,000.00 at most. You might consider a savings fund if you intend to be responsible for your mother's after death care.
I've never looked at POA as an end of life document--are you calling it that when you talk to mom about this? That may put her off a LOT, she might feel like you are grasping for an inheritance. And sounds like there isn't one.
If she refuses, there isn't much you can do until she declared incompetent, which may never happen.
If you truly don't care, then just wash your hands of it. When she passes, her 'estate' will be taken on by the state and when they get done there won't be anything left. But you won't have to fuss with it.
BTW--are YOU her health POA? That may give you some 'power' but you'll need to talk to an attorney.
She winds up in the Hospital and she is transferred to rehab. Rehab evaluates and finds she needs 24/7 care. She can no longer live in her condo. So its an "unsafe" discharge so by law they cannot release her. You don't have POA so u can make no decisions for her so the State takes over her care.
Yes, I left out that you as a daughter would be asked to be responsible for her care with or without a POA. But I would not tell her that. (I see from ur question that this won't happen) You can refuse to care for her and have her transferred to LTC from rehab if found she needs 24/7 care with a POA or if no POA this is where the State can step in. For the POA to be effective, she needs to be found incompetent. So, if you can get POA, have the lawyer make it immediate not springing. This means as soon as she signs its in effect.
This happened to a friend of mine. She was taken to the Hospital then to Rehab. She suffered from Parkinsons, diabetes and heart problems. She had no money to hire care givers in her home and no family to care for her. So, the Rehab could not discharge her. She was transferred to the NH section with her SS and pension offsetting the cost of her care and Medicaid paying the rest.
So, if she refuses to assign you POA, you have explained to her what will happen if you don't have it.
You might want to check this out as well, especially if she's not holding assets jointly with you or someone else.