My mom 84+ w/dementia and a host of other medical, ADL limits and psychological issues, previously lived in my house for 22 years, with me doing the one-on-one care for about last 4 years when her health declined. Before that she was independent and lived with me, my hubby and kids. She was moved to a wonderful nursing home (NH) following a 2-week hospital stay and has been at the NH for about a year now. The nursing home placement is now permanent, although she has not yet adjusted to being there.
I packed up most of her clothing and personal items; lots of things she really cannot use now: high heels, lots of cheap costume jewelry and things like old bathing suits (LOL who saves their old bathing suits?). Mom's dementia is probably middle stage, sometimes she is with it and can articulate her needs, and other times she is on planet Mars. She can get very confused and is easily upset. I do no want to ask her about her things -- frankly it is nearly impossible to discuss much of anything with her -- and I do no want to set her off which she is prone to do.
So my question is what have others done? What is a reasonable time after entering a nursing home permanently that one should consider giving away a parent's usable items to charity? There really is nothing of any value. And if she needed anything (new clothing, shoes, personal items) I am happy to purchase new items that work for her now. Having a hard time knowing when to take the boxed items to charity.
Charity now a days want gently worn clothing, shoes, jewelry if not tarnished at the clasp [found that happened with my cheap costume jewelry]. Bathing suits will need to be tossed out. There are charity companies that will come to the house for a porch pickup to save you from hauling boxes to the charity.
If your Mom wants a certain clothing item, just give her what is call a "therapeutic fib", something she would believe, like it got damaged in the wash or the zipper broke.
When my Mom went into a nursing home, I bought her easy to put on clothes which she liked. And the Aids were thankful. Mom never asked for any of her old clothes.
My Aunt and a woman at Moms AL always carried around a pocketbook.
As said, Mom will not be coming back, so I see no reason to keep anything she does not need.
When GG went into Hospice, but was still very 'with it' she directed us from the NH as to what she wanted done with things. It was hard, of course, but so nice to know that what she wanted certain people to get, they got.
Before her death, her condo was completely packed up & boxed. Her 2 out of state kids came for the funeral and took their boxes and shipped them home.
Then all mother had to do was repaint and replace the carpet. Her condo sold in a couple of weeks. It seemed hasty to mom and she had some regrets, like we were 'vulturing' around, but truth was, we had GG's say so in pretty much everything. It was a very calm and organized closure. Not so much emotion as doing all of that after she'd died.
My mom is 91 and may live forever. She has a TON of junk she cannot and does not use. I wish she'd let us clean out a lot of it now, but she refuses. When she does go, with 5 living sibs? It will be empty in a couple of days.
There's no one answer that's right for everyone.
There was no reason to keep things that she no longer needed. Someone else could use her dishes, sewing machine, and rooms full of crafting items.
Plus, we never know how our own health situations may change. I would suggest doing as much as you can, as soon as you can do it.
I urge you not to put items in "storage"... out of sight out of mind...
Find out if there are any items that family members want. Find a good way to distribute them.
Any items that no one wants IF they are of value can be sold, proceeds to be put into an account for mom's care, or prepay funeral for her.
Donate old clothes to a local High School or local Theater group to be used as Costumes.
Donate rest to Salvation Army, Purple Hearts or other group.
Toss what no one wants.
Lands End
https://www.landsend.com/sustainability/recycling-project/
Blue Jeans
https://bluejeansgogreen.org
Fabric/Clothing
https://fabscrap.org/about
If you want to start going through it and donating now, that is great. If you feel like you are too busy with your responsibilities, or don't feel comfortable getting rid of her stuff while she is still alive, that is fine too.
Unless you are paying money for storage, or the clutter is a safety hazard, it is okay to keep it until you have the time and energy and will to take care of it.
My MIL kept my FIL's things for more than 30 years. My SIL finally donated them after MIL died. That's probably too long.
Mom finally in board and care facility. She will not be returning home. She was in same house for 55 years. She never threw ANYTHING out. Every drawer, shelf and closet is stuffed full. My brother and I are starting to go through stuff. What is actually trash, (old wrapping paper, magazines, old gretting cards and lots of other junk goes out to barrel.
we are sorting out puzzles, games books and a few dishes for yard sale. Saving only the best clothes for donations. Most of clothes are so worn they will be of no use to anyone.
After I have stuff sorted out that not junk I will tell family come choose anything you want. There is not much of value so I don’t foresee any issues between family.
I often struggle if this is premature but we have to start somewhere and we may have to sell house to pay for her care. It all has to be done eventually and it does not mean we don’t care. We tried to get her to do this years ago but she refused so now we have to do this and see to her care.
This is going to be huge job. She never threw out any receipt or tax records or bank statements, the list goes on. Boxes and boxes of stuff. She even kept every box for Avon stuff she bought even though the product had all been used. There is also large amounts of quilts and cross stitch pictures she was working on.
As I clean up I feel like this is freeing my spirit and soul (sounds silly) for others issue.
Juse make sure you save a box of her sentimental things.
I wouldn't say anything and make sure your every one else know not to mention it to mom