My situation is a little complicated. My mom started living with me about three years ago and had back surgery that never allowed her to get back out of bed. She is 100% bedridden and relies on a wheelchair.
My father passed five years ago and she is completely went downhill ever since. She receives his Social Security every month about $1,200. With her medications, doctor visits, hygiene, pros, diapers everything adds up so much, and I need financial assistance but the situation is more complicated. When my father passed she became a severe alcoholic. She will make my life and everybody around her life miserable if she does not have vodka at exposal. I live in Florida and I don’t know where to start. I need to work, and I can’t keep going through this mental anguish and financial suppression. What do I do? Where do I start?
Good luck to you.
Who is providing her with alcohol? And if she's in a NH, she will not be allowed to abuse alcohol--if she was drinking a glass or two of wine at night, I wouldn't fuss her, and the NH may actually be OK with that. But they are not going to let her drink herself into a coma everyday.
My gosh--she's 4 years younger than I am! She could live 30 more years!
You should not be paying for any of her care. Medicaid will cover what she needs (it will take all but about $50 of her SS to have her in a NH.) If you want to 'gift her' some small things from time to time, that's OK, but for the most part, $1200 a month isn't much. Would she qualify for SSDI? It may be a bit more money--I personally don't know.
If you continue to support her, when YOU retire, there won't be any money for you and the cycle will just continue. You have to look after you.
I think that you need a malpractice attorney just to look into what happened at this surgery that has apparently paralyzed your Mom. I am so very sad this happened.
As to the alcohol it is time to wean Mom off that, so discuss with her MD right away. There's no way she can get this on her own, so that will at least be a clear way to monitor it.
You Mom is my daughter's age. She has easily more than three more decades to live. Many confined to bed and chair are productive citizens, so it is past time now to address all of this for the sake of your own life.
And you and whoever else is supplying your mom with her vodka need to STOP!!! I hope you realize that you're enabling her, and not helping the situation at all.
You say that she will make your life miserable if she doesn't get her vodka right? So if it were me, I would stop enabling her by providing the vodka, and when she gets mean or hateful, call 911 and have her taken to the hospital. While there tell the hospital social worker that she CANNOT return back to your house as you can no longer care for her financially or mentally.
They will then have to find a nursing facility to have mom placed in, and that's where her Medicaid will come in handy.
You have to stop this madness sooner than later as your mom could easily live another 30+ years.
You need her out of your house ASAP, and if taking away her vodka will expedite that happening, take the damn vodka away!!!
From American Addiction Centers:
Alcohol Withdrawal Timeline - While exact timing differs from person to person, alcohol withdrawal syndrome typically begins within 6 to 24 hours after the last drink of alcohol and can last for days.
During hours 6-12, relatively milder withdrawal symptoms set in. These may include insomnia, tremors, mild anxiety, stomachache, headache, excessive sweating (diaphoresis), heart palpitations, and loss of appetite.
During hours 12-24, hallucinations may occur.
During hours 24-48, the risk for seizures is at its highest, should they develop.
During hours 48-72, the risk for developing alcohol withdrawal delirium (or DTs) continues into the third day, with symptoms such as psychomotor agitation, hallucinations, disorientation, rapid heart rate, high blood pressure, fever, and sweating.
Acute alcohol withdrawal may be associated with certain medical complications.