I feel terrible posting this but have no one else to talk with I need to figure out why an I so angry and feel that everyone looks at me as an idiot possibly because years ago my husband starting calling me names which off and on continues and now with me doing same thing have I become to believe things or what]caregivers for mom when something goes wrong I just right away ask why so many people think they Im just an asshole and easy to mess with could that be because I appear like Im not together which Im not then mad BECAUSE situation Im in oh gee nvmind Im so disgusted with caregiving and myself do not where to turn feel hopeless
Now, being an a**hole is a totally different thing. I reserve my right to be angry, but not to take it out on innocent folks. And I won't take it out on my mother, since that would be unfruitful and destructive. But I'll be darned if I'll deny myself the right to feel angry about bad things that should not have happened to me. I think you fit into the same category, sandy, with all that is going on in your life.
But when will I get to retire and see the world? Well, I am afraid that ship has sailed because of all the stress related health issues I now have, I feel I would be lucky to even see next year... my parents just don't understand how their choices for their old age is also affecting me. Even finally setting boundaries such as less running errands and driving them places, the guilt they throw out doesn't help :P
Sometimes I think the two-year-old melting down into a tantrum has it right...I can't stand anymore and I have to get this out....crying & screaming until the tide shifts and the world seems better again...just most of us "adults" don;t do tantrums...and keep that all bottled up. :(
Stress and depression can be the underlying cause of the anger. Make sure you find support group (yes here helps too) and a local therapist...we all need support.
One time I asked my parents if in the future they needed to hire a Caregiver would they want a person who had no experience, wasn't trained for that type of work.... didn't know how to read a blood pressure machine... didn't know how to listen to your heart.... wouldn't be able to pick you up if you fell.... was afraid of driving.... hated to cook... and who was pushing 70 years old... would you accept that Caregiver into your home?
Their answer was *no*.... well guess what, that person would have been me. That was an eye opener for my parents.
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