My father in law keeps to himself, avoids most conversations & stays in his room. When everyone goes to work, he spends hundreds of dollars on lotto, booze & spends most of his time sitting in his car in many parking lots watching women walking into stores. I've caught him doing this. He bathes once a week & smells bad. His son, my husband, can't get thru to him. He can't force his dad to do anything. Father in law acts weird all the time. He has a naked female doll in his room which I believe is inappropriate & could be his sex companion, I keep our kids out of his room. His 1st wife died over 20 years ago, 2nd wife left because he was secretly smoking behind her back & she didn't allow smoking. Why is father in law acting so antisocial & so weird all the time? He's happiest by himself so we let him be but we are concerned that he could be involved in selling his urine to the homeless in the parking lots so they can pass drug tests to get jobs!! We found an ice cream bucket full of urine under his bed one day & asked him about it. He simply said he didn't want to wake everyone up in the house cuz he needed to go to the bathroom at night. Since then, he no longer has the bucket, he now pees in the back yard LOL. Its like he's afraid of bathrooms & toilets. He also has a strange laugh that bothers me. I think he may be bipolar or possessed. I'm just trying to understand him even if I can't help him.
You know that your father in law shouldn’t be living in your home.
I would tell your husband that his dad and the naked doll that you are suggesting is his sex doll need to leave as soon as possible. I would even get rid of the mattress that he slept on.
If he wouldn’t leave, then I would be tempted to take the children and leave.
As a #meToo 'survivor', jokey talk about perverts hits too close to home and is very triggering for me. I'm not alone.
My comments about my FIL were to show that 'completely normal' people can have some very weird twists to their behaviors. My abuser got away with 50+ years of abuse of every generation in my family.
IF this is a legit post, even if it's not, we need to be aware that yes, OUR families can be caught up in a web of abuse and no one will stick up for you when you 'tell'.
This man needs help--he won't get it, but you can protect yourself and your kids from him.
And turning their backs on the victims makes family members complicit in the crimes that are committed.
Appeasing "That's just dad!" is never worth the lifelong pain caused by the perpetrator.
Midkid, I'm sad for what happened to you. It's important to let others know that it is never okay. Hugs!
Another man, a pillar of the church, was a professional photographer who took naked photos of his fellow church members' kids and sold them. He went to jail eventually but a lot of people stood up for him because they didn't believe he could do such a thing. I knew a Boy Scout leader who was forced to resign over molesting a boy, but the parents declined to prosecute. This was covered up (but details recently released in "The Perversion Files"). This guy later took in many foster sons, at least one of whom has filed a suit that he was molested by this (very nice and respected) man.
I've seen sketchy guys who had no business there loitering in the womens' underwear department in stores. And no, I don't know what to do about them until they actually do something.
When someone's giving you signals that they're wacko, you need to follow up and report it to someone who can put them out of action. Your FIL may be such a person. And the story about his wives leaving him may be just that - stories to cover up the real reason, which could be something more concerning and sinister.
Do NOT try to "understand" FIL. He's showing deviant behavior. How do you know he's not following the women he watches in parking lots when they come back to their cars? And he's drunk besides, and driving. How can you let him be around your children?
You have a problem living in your house. Thanks for reaching out to us, and I hope the advice here helps you to get him out of your home and into a place where he can't hurt anyone.
It’s hard to live with family members even when they are pleasant to be around. I can’t imagine living with a person like your father in law.
Have you told your husband that you don’t want him living under your roof anymore? Have your children complained about their grandfather?
My FIL had some sexual proclivities that were well hidden from most of the family. Mostly of a voyueristic type, he liked to stand naked in front of the glass doors and take photos of himself from behind--so you could see the people outiside who could or couldn't see him--I hope to this day that he didn't.
It was this deep, dark dirty secret--and although I never saw ANY inappropriate sexual behavior other than the naked pics (which was enough!) and after he passed, I was the one to clean out his condo and found hundreds of pics.
OMG! Hundreds and hundreds of negatives of him in various stages of undress and 'arousal'. Something no DIL EVER wants to see. I ended up shredding every single roll of negatives rather than sort through them and toss the gross ones.
It broke my heart, it really did. I told DH and he simply chose not to believe me. So I pulled a few negatives and showed them to him. For a while he didn't accept this weird behavior. Because I was the one who found them--he somehow blamed ME for this happening. Finally, BIL, who is a psychologist, weighed in on the situation and told his brother and sister that he knew this behavior had been going on for YEARS. Then DH believed me, but still acted like I had outed his father & made things worse.
Hey--don't shoot the messenger.
He obviously had some problems, and was actually working on them when he died, which gives me some measure of comfort.
And, yes, while there was no evidence that he had ever touched anyone innapropriately--I did have the horrible job of asking my 4 daughters if he had ever done anything to them. (They were all adults by then). Nope, and I am so glad that they weren't hurt. 7 granddaughters and they were all OK.
He also had quite the collection of sex toys and that was also awful to deal with. I'm no prude, but this was the final straw. I never found a blow up doll, but that's not saying he never had one.
It did help for me to understand why my MIL was so beyond furious by the time she divorced him. If he had been 'caught' flashing people--well, he worked a gov't job and he could have lost that and his pension. MIL lived in fear that any day he could be outed.
This was so traumatic to me that I had to bring it up in therapy. I wanted to forgive him and have good memories of him--other than this anomaly, he was a sweet and loving guy. Just had a serious screw loose in his wiring, I guess.
NO WAY I would allow your dad to be anywhere near your kids. My kids never slept over at g-pa's as much as they loved him, and they all have fond memories of him. He got lucky, I guess, I destroyed 100% of his porn and pictures and toys.
He's been gone 19 years and I still have images burned in my brain that I'd rather not have.
If your children are minors you are placing them in danger. If they say anything at school, teachers are Mandated Reporters. This may result in an investigation that may potentially have your children removed from the house.
You and your husband are just as sick as he is for letting him live with you and exposing your innocent children to his sick antics. I mean really??? What are you thinking?
My pedophile father used to sit in parks and watch for innocent children to enter the public bathrooms and then follow them in to abuse them.
That's what your line about your FIL watching women in parking lots reminded me of. And how do you know that he's watching women and not children?
And I don't know if your user name of BadCopDIL, implies that you're actually a cop, as it would make sense since you say you've caught him in many parking lots.... perhaps while on duty? And if that's the case you should know better than to expose your children to him.
Regardless, your children should be your number one priority and you should do EVERYTHING in your power to protect them from him and his sickness. And if that means kicking him out....well so be it.
I'm with Lealonnie on your 2 recent posts. I really am hoping and praying that you're just a troll that's pulling our legs on here. And if you're not, well... God help us all!
From your other post..He pees in the bathtub and blames others. To this..
I would put my foot down and tell my husband that either FIL finds another place, is placed in Memory Care or at least Assisted Living that I would be moving out.
For your husband to allow this and not say anything is disrespectful to you and any other member of the family that is living under that roof.
AND if FIL IS cognizant that makes the situation even worse.
I hope your husband has POA for health and finances.
He and his doll need to go! Then buy a new mattress!
..or is that somebody else
This man is either mentally ill or moving into some sort of dementia. Difficult to guess which, and I doubt he would be in agreement with any testing. I cannot know from your postings about him whether these are new behaviors or not. Your family should not be living with him.
Is anyone MPOA or POA for him? Does he have a regular MD? All of this should be discussed with MD if so.
I think a call to APS may be in order as well, telling them what you have told us. A call to police may be in order as well. His being picked up on charges may help get him assessed.
And no, he isn't possessed. That stuff is nonsense.
This is your first post and now this one. Why is this man living with you? How old is he? If this is not Dementia, then he needs to find another place to live. This type of behaviour would not be allowed in my home. If he can "he spends hundreds of dollars on lotto, booze" then he can afford to live elsewhere. There are HUD subsidized apartments if he qualifies financially. Get him out of your house.
But who's home is it? (It may have been stated?)
Finding out why FIL acts the way he does is something. Whether he would seek treatment, whether treatment could help him are others.
Do you WANT to continue living with him is another.
Can of worms opened here. A giant one I think.
Your children need to not be exposed to naked blow up dolls in their grandfather's room! Or buckets of urine he may be selling to crackheads in parking lots.
Please take a serious look at a serious situation, dh and yourself, and get this man properly medically diagnosed and OUT of your home. Your children need to come first or CPS may be showing up at your door soon to rehome them.
He is “acting weird” because he is mentally ill.
Do you have a young daughter in the home? If so, NEVER let her alone with him ever. I’m serious,