My mom is 83. She was in a severe car accident in 2008 and I have been taking care of her and helping her ever since. My dad died in 2002. My goal is that she never goes into a nursing home. I hope she lives another 20 years. I try to keep her mind active with saving money on food, and we do a great job on that. For now that seems to be enough extra to keep her fully busy. It has been hard in some ways though. Doctors visits, emergency visits, sometimes depression, PTSD from the accident, anxiety for her. And me just having to get up every time she calls my name all day every day. I do not mind doing it. I enjoy being here. Extra precautions need to be taken in everything because she has trouble walking from the accident. We use the wheel chair a lot too when I take her anywhere. I came on here, joined yesterday, as a way to get more information as time goes by. I've got to be able to keep it up, and be prepared for what may come.
For this particular thread, I think it's best you stop answering.
AgingCare Admin- if you could help close the thread, that'd be great.
It's not 2008 anymore. It's 2022. This person is asking us how it's going to get worse, well he can read any number of forum posts here about how things rapidly got worse. If he's a good son, he can get himself a job so that if mom eventually has to go into a place that he can make that decision without worrying about himself being homeless until she dies.
According to him, mom is mostly physically recovered from the car accident she was in 13 years ago. According to James himself, he has been jobless for 14 years and hasn't had a home with anyone but Mom for 13 years. James has not worked for FOURTEEN YEARS and BRAGS about how his TV/Internet/shelter are covered and how he's just ducky with having this roof over his head that mom paid for. He entertains her, he says, by focusing her on how "THEY" can save on food.
Only now 14 years later is he coming to us and saying, "Oh, how much worse can it get" when a cursory search of this forum will reveal this. He is as dependent on mom as she is on him, maybe more. So really what does he want here? Support? Mom's been supporting him for 14 years and when it gets hard we're supposed to give him advice on how to ship her out when she becomes so out of it so that he can keep the house she got before he was born?
wishing you and your mother well :).
i think, in caring for our elderly parent/s, the future depends a lot on luck - and trying to plan as far as is possible.
Plan B, C, etc…
this way future plans can be activated if necessary.
how will you manage in the future?
-through luck
-and planning
———
some LOs and their families are lucky…
…health kind of ok
…sweet elderly LOs
…(many elderly LOs are mean to their daughters; sometimes sons, but it’s rarer)
…etc.
——
you’re 55.
:)
the only thing i would say (even though you said, past girlfriends were trouble, etc.) (and you’re happy with your life now, as caregiver to your mother)…i would say:
…do pursue your goals/dreams/love
:)
…we all have dreams/goals (don’t bury them; don’t give up on them.) (if past goals/concerts/etc. didn’t really give satisfaction, you don’t really miss that, create new dreams/goals!)
…regarding love, you might have unfortunately bumped into the wrong people. it’s just my opinion: don’t give up on love.
i think it’s great to love/care for others! :)
do give a full life to yourself too! :)
be nice to others AND yourself.
you have a whole life ahead of you :).
bundle of joy :)
:)
your loving mother (even though it would go against her own interests) should also push you to pursue love/dreams/goals :).
somehow combing caring for others AND caring for yourself/full life
:)
maybe james’s mother looks through catalogues, choosing discounted items.
my LO loves doing that!! :)
always finds nice items. has done it their whole life.
——
dear becky :),
hope you’re well in your new environment. big, big hugs!!
bundle of joy :)
When the caregiving starts to get harder, bring in some hired help. Someone to clean is a good first step. Someone to be at her beck and call for a few hours so you can get out of the house and not have to worry about her. These things are mostly for YOU so you can catch a break and some alone time. Even if you think you don't "need" it, I think it would still be good for you.
Best of luck!
There is no money for aides therefore.
Well if he does, then why is he here? If there's only mom's house sheltering him and he's happy with that, allegedly, then what does he need advice for?
All the best to your mom and you.
Couple of things that come to my mind are: how will you support yourself after your mom passes away, and will you have a place to live?
Actually, one more thing. Do you have a plan for your mother’s care if something happens to you? If you get sick, need an operation, etc?
Welcome to the forum & best of luck reaching all of your goals.
You will learn a LOT here!
People who have been down this road before have absolutely saved my sanity.