No contact..kids say his dementia worse. He will not let kids help him with finances or daily living. One of the kids found out he's way behind in his rent and I'm fairly sure based on past experience that he's in debt way beyond that. I'm worried if he goes under and is not mentally competent to resolve it that his creditors will expect me to pay. I'm 72 with one heart attack still trying to work and take care of myself and am so afraid of what might happen.
You might or might not have a problem here with husband's debts - you really need to know where you stand and what if anything you need to do to protect yourself. And knowing where you stand can give you clout if you have to deal with collection agencies later on. Ignorance could really cost you.
Why on earth have you not gotten legally divorced if you have been separated for 25 years?
I paid for the legal separation; however, as the agreement covered all of the concerns I had and because I did not foresee the likelihood of remarriage at any time in my immediate future, I did not pursue the final divorce as that cost would have fallen to me as well. My husband has not remarried either. Therefore, to my way of thinking, if he wants the divorce, he can pay for it. If I should choose to remarry, then I will reconsider my position.
As others here are advising, I agree that you must see a lawyer ASAP in YOUR state to determine how best to protect your interests. I wish you well.
I wouldnt sit around waiting for someone out of the blue to present you with a bill. It might be a lot harder now if he is incompetent. Do you think he would sign divorce papers if sent to him? I dont know, but you say he is neglecting other bills. I wouldnt wait to see what happens. Good luck
Laws differ greatly between states. I have some understanding of the TN laws acquired while handling/settling my parents affairs. Dad had vascular dementia and made some poor financial decisions while married and prior to being declared incompetent. Here in TN, property you inherited from your family, even after a marriage, is yours alone. In order for your husband to have any claim, he (or in this case his creditors) would need to prove he invested significant resources (labor and/or money) in improving the property. I assume you have been living in your inherited property at least since the separation so there should not be much of a claim or risk to keeping that property if your lived in TN.
In TN, debts can be separated between individuals even for married couples: there is his debt, her debt, and our debt. Unsecured debt, like credit cards or signature loans, are his responsibility alone provided you did not also sign the loan documents. Secured debt, like a car loan, are his responsibility too. His personal debts, like back rent, are his responsibility here in TN too. Fortunately a lot of my parents remaining resources were in real estate titled as joints tenants in the entirety and my mother never signed any loan documents so the proceeds from selling that property was not subject to creditor claims for my father's unsecured debt. It was a little harder to keep non-titled assets clear from Dad's unsecured debts but most decided to settle when they realized Dad was in MC and I was using the using the guardianship court judge to get rulings favorable to my mother. I paid the bills for services (like a dentist) from available funds but didn't have any problems letting the credit card companies take their licks. Who loans an 80 year old man more than twice his annual income?
Your venerability here in TN would be limited to loans where you signed the loan documents and/or put up something for security.
Even if you are not legally responsible for the debt, creditors will try to collect from you. This is where having an attorney to direct them to contact can be a great help. As Dad's guardian, I ignored phone calls by setting my android phone to send all calls from any number not in my contacts to voice mail. When contacted by mail, I took the letters to the lawyer's office and let him respond. He charged $100 a letter but it was well worth it considering the credit card companies backed off from trying to collect thousands.
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/flh-home/flh-free-legal-help/
As I posted in response to others, I wouldn't really ignore this. It may never come to fruition, but having someone already standing in the wings for legal advice would be advisable. If you have to pay anything for the legal help, it would only be if services were needed. If you never hear anything, great.
If nothing else, collections (creditors sell their debt to them) can be ruthless AND kind find ANYONE who has known association, past and present. You may never hear from any of them, but it would be best to get set up just in case. You should NOT have to pay for any of his debt, but having an attorney will give you more clout in stopping any nonsense.
My friend has been responsible for her "separated husband" and legally she has had to pay off all debts he incurred. He even took out charge cards in her name and while she could prove she didn't apply for them, she still had to pay them off.
My friend is now finally following through with her divorce and you should too. It will be more difficult now that he has dementia. You need an attorney.
Fast Forward 5yrs--
My cr score is 700. I just bought a mobilehome. He's still homeless.
I worry too! I was excused from tax bill. He has a cc he got. $25k owed, they have never contacted me.! I'm way to find. I'm 61.
I believe at 72, I wouldn't worry!
Evenif they came after you, let's say..you have nothing. The only thing you & I need to think about is a lien slapped on property... how that should happen is beyond me?
I think your kids are responsible in a sense, medically to help him, guide him, etc.
Its a shame we all need to worry so badly in our golden years, huh?
Btw---
You can file, Fl300 form, send it to him, he wont sign it,( surely), & you will have a defaulted divorce in 60days..
Takecare
My uncle cheated on his taxes, couldn't pay up and the IRS liened the house she inherited from her dad. He'd forced her to sign tax returns without looking at them so she had no idea what he'd been up to financially. It took her ten years to get the lien removed under the innocent spouse rule.
When he passed, their house became property of the State of New York unless I paid off his debts. I paid.
True story.
Please check if you own anything jointly and get legal advise.
Many counties in the US have family law self-help departments & offer free advice on the law for your jurisdiction.