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What is anything to buy a LO in a skilled nursing facility who really has reached the point that she doesn't even know who we are...... Of course we will get her something small like pj's or a robe but there is honestly nothing left that she enjoys anymore including visits as they just seem to agitate her so we try and make them short and sweet.

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I wouldn't worry about it. If she needs a new robe or PJs then maybe. Is there a food she really likes around the holidays. Is the facility having a party you can go to with her. Give her your time. Do something together. No she won't remember it, just like a gift, but you will.
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If she’s able to, and there’s a favorite food, take that for her to enjoy. Trying to add gifts she won’t use or need isn’t necessary.
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Just caring for her is the most important gift and you give her this year round.

If she has a favorite treat, cookies or cake, then bring that with you when you visit her.

Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult caregiving process.
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Wait til after then visit
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
I was just thinking the same, not to get hung up on what particular day and time to visit.
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I used to buy my mom her favorite hand/body lotion and her favorite bars of soap, her shampoo/conditioner.. she always appreciated it.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
Lisa,

You just brought back sweet memories of my mom to me.

When I would visit mom during her final weeks in hospice, she would ask for her favorite body lotion and her beloved ‘Oil of Olay.’

My mother was 95 when she died and didn’t have a wrinkle on her face! Great genes. My grandmother didn’t either. Nor do I. Grandma didn’t use anything other than soap and water on her face. I use moisturizer like my mom did.
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We buy a plant and give a card, that is it, she doesn't know what the holidays are anymore, I guess we do it for us, makes us feel better!
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Her favourite things or food?
My GF suggested this year as with prices and inflation, little edible gifts, cookies, chocolates etc.
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Don't worry too much about it. Get her something nice that she needs, a comfy robe sounds good, or PJs. I got an old style radio with knobs for my mother because she liked listening to music. I set it on a station with soothing music, the kind of music she likes, and told the staff what she likes. Your visit will be a treat for her, and that's the most important thing.
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When my husband’s grandma had dementia, her daughter (my MIL) ended up wrapping up something she already had and giving it to her at Christmas. Each time it was still a surprise to her!

It may sound a bit mean, but even just the unwrapping was fun for her.
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My mom got lots of PJs year after year after year and it used to irritate her that ppl just kept giving her clothes the implied all she should do is stay in bed. :D

Or plants that inevitably died cause she'd forget to care for them.

Even her cacti / succulents tried to "escape" by growing these long stalks, trying to get the heck out of the pot. Who knows where they thought they were going? But they tried nonetheless.

I switched to costume jewelry for her. Or things like that. Sun-catchers, to catch the light coming through the windows. Those lamps that cycle through colors. Basically, things she could say "How pretty" and zone out on that required no care. <3
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TriedandTrue Dec 2022
Thank you. What a funny answer and helpful too.
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I have been putting this off also! Mom has declined quite a lot over the past couple of months and the clothes I get her either go unused or disappear completely. She used to be a big Christmas person and always made her home so nice during the holidays. I brought poinsettias and a large and expensive decorated natural wreath for her door last week, one I thought would brighten her day. She walked in and out of her door three times while I was there and even when I pointed it out she hardly looked at it. Like it wasn't there. I was glad I hadn't done a whole tree for her, like I was considering.

I noticed she had also taken down all of the family photos from her walls, but seemed to think someone else had done it. Made me wonder if she was angry at me when she removed them, because I'm not able to be there with her all the time. It's sad. But she needs around the clock care at this point, with absolutely everything.

It was one of the first major signs that something was off with my mom, when she didn't want to put up a tree in her own home anymore and stopped caring much for Christmas.
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If she is a Christian how about an up to date Christian bible. If she accepts and wants or needs someone to read it to her find someone who would.
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Agentsmith Dec 2022
Yeah sure. Ask god to heal her that will fix everything. Idiotic stuff....
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Read your own post. She will not care what you do so make it easy on yourself.
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Java15: As with any gift, it's the thought that counts. Keep it simple.
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