Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my question. I am a 32yr. old man who takes care of both his elderly disabled parents. My father is 63 and receives Disability of about $1700 a month. He has end stage COPD, diabetes and a host of other medical problem i.e. chronic lung disease. My mom is only 58 but had a stroke a year ago and while she is pretty mobile she no longer can work or drive. She also receives disability of around $700 a month. After rent and paying for medicine the are broke. Ive been taking care of both of them since my moms stroke. I don't know what to do anymore. Ive lost my job because I do everything for them. i.e. grocery shopping, doctors appointments everything. I am on call 24/7. I have two brothers but they don't help at all. I'm so stressed I just don't know what to do anymore. I won't abandon my parents but I can't keep doing this. Ive lost everything because I do everything for them. I don't know what to do anymore. Please any advice is welcome. I should say we live in Texas and neither one qualifies for Medicaid or food stamps. I already tried that. Thank you and God Bless
Dude, I'm telling you, do what you have to do to be free of this. I'm not being mean, I'm being realistic. My sons and I are living in a house with no electricity, heat or running water in the middle of winter due to my mom's refusal to give a POA to anyone, my lost job and not working the last few years, not to mention financially supporting my mom for over 5 years in the beginning, money that should have been stashed into my account but went to her instead. When their time is over, and in your case it could be a long, long time before it's over, as in 20-30+ years before it's over and it's a very real and scary possibility that you'll be left standing with absolutely nothing. There's nothing and I mean nothing at all smart about total self sacrifice. I've been kicking my own ass for quite awhile now. Had I known in the beginning what I know now, I never would have taken my mom and her alz on. No way in hell. I would have insisted that she sell her assets and go to assisted living, I would have kept my job and my financial security and 11 years later I wouldn't be facing winter with my boys in poverty. It's not worth it, seriously. No parent should require this of their children. God knows I won't require it from mine. You'd best start making some plans to get out of this role or you could wake up one day, in your 50's and realize that the only thing you have to look forward to is homelessness. The only reason my boys and I aren't on the street is that my mom left her properties to my oldest son and they're paid for. But we might as well be. At the moment you can see your breath in our house and sometimes it's colder inside than out. Don't end up where I did. Do something, anything, to get them the help they need and get on with your life and for God's sake, look out for YOURSELF. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is going to give a tinkers damn how noble you were in caring for your parents....creditors are going to want the bills paid and they'll leave you in the cold in a skinny second if you can't pay because you haven't worked in years caring for the elderly. Nobody cares. Look out for YOURSELF because nobody else is going to.
As for you, trying to honor your parents does not mean sacrificing your life for them. Losing your job because of their needs, not supporting yourself and planning for your own retirement are not only not a requirement, it's pretty stupid. Helping to ensure that they are cared for in an appropriate way is enough. Sounds like your mother could live for a long time. Taking care of her 24/7 for the rest of the time she has left is NOT your responsibility.