My grandma has a bone in her back that is painful, also diaper sores. Her head and neck are never comfortable on the pillow, she has scoliosis or something. She's NEVER comfortable when she's awake, and right now she is bed-ridden. She's always shouting from the room "help me, help me," sometimes it reminds me of someone screaming from the depths of hell. I go in to help but I cannot get myself to be with her 24/7. I need to get away and do my own thing. When I am with her, I'll do things and then start to leave, and she says "Wait! Do this" or asks a question that I already answered. She's also a very diva-like person and doesn't understand people when they say they're tired. She says "I know, but please help me." I can't make the pain in her back go away, we have no medication. Also she wants to be changed all the time, and I can't do that, I'm sorry I won't do it. Am I wrong to not want to change her all the time (more than 1 time an hour)? I dislike caretaking when I'm not appreciated for what I am doing either. She just expects I will do this, but is not nice to me in return. She doesn't let me take a break. What is going on here, and what should I do?
We've shared discussions before. When your grandmother was last hospitalized she decided that she didn't want to come back home. She was getting better treatment and attention in a professional setting and that worked better for her.
You are not wrong to not want to change her all the time and I can understand that hearing her in pain is difficult for you. However, it sounds like she now possibly has bed sores and that her pain is not being managed It's too much for you and not enough for her.
She has assets that now should be used for her care. To keep her home to protect the assets is wrong. I hope you and your mother will act on this quickly and get her the care that she needs. She is a human being and she is suffering more than she needs to or should.
Cattails.
Then ask, "What is best for me?" Clearly, from your other posts, it is time for you to have a chance to make your own way in the world and to be independent.
I know that you and mother do not agree on "What is best for Mother?" She thinks preserving Grandma's assets for herself is the best course of action (if I understood an earlier post correctly). You think some things, like health and sanity, are more important than money.
Of course we only see that much of the situation that you've written about. But from that I'd say that a disservice is being done to your grandmother by keeping her at home when she requires more care than she can given there (through no fault of yours). Your mother is doing you a disservice by keeping you in a situation that is clearly beyond your capacity and terribly stressful to you and against your beliefs regarding the relative importance of money in this case. And it sounds like Mom may not even be acting in her own best interests, considering her health.
What should you do? Try this on: You stand up to Mother. You explain that this is not the best situation for her mother, and it is not a good situation for you, and you are giving notice that you are no longer going to be available for this job at the end of the month. She can either hire someone else, or you will help her arrange for Grandma to be moved to a skilled nursing facility. Be polite but firm. You have had plenty of time to stew about this. If you think that keeping her at home to save some money is not the best for Grandma and not the best for you, stand up for your convictions.
Please know that I care about you. This is the advice I'd give to my daughter or granddaughter: Get Grandma into a nursing home if you can, remove yourself from the situation if you can't.
Best wishes to you, Neesa.
But you are right. If Neesa sees that her Mother isn't stepping up to the plate and seeing that Grandma is well taken care of, Neesa should act on her behalf, perhaps calling the Adult Protection folks. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. That is no indication that Mother does not love Grandma.
Neesa, you are not equipped to handle this patient, so your mother should take charge and do what is necessary to keep this patient from screaming and being in need of basic hygiene tools.
There is a great big sign in the Health Room over a famous school. It reads, " WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE?"
Sometimes we have to choose the lesser of the evils available to us.
Expecting OP to search for solutions for Grandma "to the ends of the earth" is a guilt burden she doesn't need. She has severe problems of her own that she is fighting bravely to overcome. This is Mother's responsibility, and Mother isn't on here posting.
In any case, I haven't seen anything by OP in a while. Maybe things have settled down with some in-home care. We can hope so.