Follow
Share

I have been caring for my mother about 5 yrs or more. She has dementia.


She didn't want me to give her a shower or wash her hair (she hates water). Some of the food she eats she spits it out. She spends most her time sleeping (except for eating). She recently fell next to the bathtub. I was there when it happened. She went to the hospital. The physical therapist saying she is not responding to commands, like moving her legs, getting up, etc. I remember the days before she went to the hospital I asked her more than once, "How are you?" and she just sat there and looked at me. She is not responding to me like she use to, she is not able to walk on her own (including getting in and out of bed, going to the fridge, etc) anymore.


I can't take care of her 24/7 because I work. The doctors at the hospital are recommending a Long Term Care Nursing Facility. I am concerned about the cost. Her insurance covers a certain amount of time. She doesn't qualify for Medicaid.


I have to be realistic now. I would rather care for her, but I can't anymore. She's in a private person. Quiet, but when you talk to her, she doesn't respond like she used to.


Any suggestions, recommendations, comments please!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
What about hospice? You don't say how old your mother is, but if she's this far advanced with dementia to where she's not responding to you (5+ years in when vascular dementia has approx a 5 year life span to it) and sleeping most of the time, then she may qualify to move into a hospice house to spend the remainder of her days. Medicare normally covers that expense.

I don't know about 'affordable' Skilled Nursing Facilities in NYC. You may want to get the advice & guidance of a Certified Elder Care Attorney who can advise you about Medicaid requirements and the possibility of a Miller Trust if mom makes a bit too much to qualify. A good CEC attorney is worth his weight in gold, let me tell you.

In the meantime, you can go to the right hand side of this page and ask Karen the care advisor about SNFs in the the NYC area for your mom. The service is free and she can guide you about facilities in your area; that's what A Place for Mom does. Your mom can private pay for a while, spending down her money, and perhaps then she can qualify for Medicaid, I don't know what her situation is.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. My mother passed in February after fighting with dementia (thought to be vascular) for about 6 years; she was 95 and lived in a Memory Care AL for the last 3 years of her life. The decline in the last year of her life was huge, and difficult to witness. I never would have been able to manage her care at home. I feel your pain.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hi assist, why do you say she doesn't qualify for Medicaid? She may not qualify for community Medicaid, but please trust me on this, she absolutely can qualify for LTC Medicaid (or nursing home Medicaid). How it works is her money, whatever savings she has, goes towards her care and when that money runs out, the state picks up the cost of the nursing home. Her social security and any pension income goes to the nursing home as well (save a small monthly personal needs allowance, usually around $60).. You do have to apply for her, you can usually fill out the application online. The social workers at the hospital also should be helping you with this. I was in the same situation as you, I couldn't take care of my father anymore because I had to work. the social workers at the hospital knew this and knew my father wouldn't be safe at home so they sent him to a nursing home. The hospital should do this with your mom as well. You personally do not pay anything to the nursing home, only whatever money mom has and then state Medicaid picks up the rest.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter