I just moved my Dad into an independent living with assisted living option. I pay half the 2,400 monthly rent. My Dad is 93 and I am POA but he still has his checkbook & gives money he can't afford to my leeching brother. Can I take my Dad's checkbook ?
but here goes...
If he does not have dementia you can not do anything to his accounts. (Although you might be able to if you are listed as being on the account and can withdraw money. write checks, close the account, things you could do with your own account.)
You say "age related decline" I think once a person starts making bad or I should say poor decisions it begins to move from being age related decline and more to the "dementia" realm. His next medical check should include testing for dementia, most doctors are doing that on a routine basis now if for no other reason but to get a baseline so determine how one changes from year to year.
I also think that you should not be paying for half of the Independent Living or Assisted Living bill. If he does not have the money you should begin the application process for Medicaid now. And keep in mind ANY money he has given to your brother will be looked at closely and may dramatically effect the possibility of Medicaid. Is your dad a Veteran? If so look to the VA for any number of resources as well. This is also a discussion you may have to have with your brother that he may either have to pay back money that was given to him and tell him the "well has dried up" and he needs to find other resources for his cash infusion.
My mother doesn't have dementia but has a mobility disorder that she no longer can do things herself. So I am her POA, and manage ALL her financials...because if not, she would still be giving money away like she's a Rockerfeller! You have no idea how many times I've had to tell her NO to gifts she wants to make!
How do you know that his cognitive skills are intact? Has he had a real workup?
After she moved in, I noticed she couldn't manage her checkbook and was suffering more mental decline than was visible during visits. We went to the bank and had my name added to Mom's checking account. I put a stop to the payments to my brother and explained to her that she'd soon need in-home care and she had to save her money for that as brother certainly would not be able to help. She didn't object much, so I think she knew on some level that my brother was taking advantage of her. Sending him money had just become a habit, like paying any other bill.
Guess what? Eighteen months later, my brother and his wife are managing just fine (though he still complains to Mom about money in every telephone conversation). Mom has been able to treat herself to some clothes and go to the dentist. She has accumulated enough money to cover at least some of her upcoming nursing needs.
Moochers are manipulators, pure and simple. The sooner they are stopped, the better for our parents.
I don’t see why he needs checks.
Sounds like your brother is a bit of a mooch and I’m not sure why you pay half but obviously dad has spending money enough to give to the moocher. I’d say to dad "let me keep Your checkbook safe and to pay bills with and I’ll give you cash for incidentals". Also that he can use a credit card but ONLY if you deem that safe.
On another note, I don’t trust brother. Be sure dad's credit reports are frozen with the 3 credit reporting agencies if you haven’t done that yet. Congress finally made that free. That way brother, nor anyone else can take out loans or steal his identity. Set up an account with social security and the IRS so that those too can’t be used by someone else. There are so many scammers and fraudsters out there. Be sure your dad knows about the scam callers out there and to just hang up. My sister's MIL who is very intelligent was scammed out of 13,000 by a caller. It was unbelievable she fell for it but it happens. If he uses a computer be sure security and firewalls are in place. So much to think about.
If you are having to pay partial support, brother should be stopped entirely.
This has to be causing friction and bad feelings, You should notify the brother in writing, laying out your level of support, and informing him that he is now misusing funds both Dad's and yours. As a first step.
There are other choices, but it might involve accusation of elder abuse.
You should make a ledger of all disbursements ffom Dad to brother
Avoid conservator ships /guardian ships, unless you fully understand consequences.
If Dad is still competent you should update Will Living Trust, POA, and Advance Health Care directive. Before it is too late
If Dad is of sound mind, then sitting with him to figure out his IL expenses without your money is in order. If he isn’t of sound mind, then he won’t be able to be in IL much longer, and his expenses will rise when moving to AL.
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