I just moved my Dad into an independent living with assisted living option. I pay half the 2,400 monthly rent. My Dad is 93 and I am POA but he still has his checkbook & gives money he can't afford to my leeching brother. Can I take my Dad's checkbook ?
How do you know that his cognitive skills are intact? Has he had a real workup?
I don't know how much money your brother is taking from your dad but if it doesn't impact his ability to pay his part of the rent, you might just chalk it up as a hobby or bad habit he has. Giving money to your brother probably makes him feel needed.
I don’t see why he needs checks.
Sounds like your brother is a bit of a mooch and I’m not sure why you pay half but obviously dad has spending money enough to give to the moocher. I’d say to dad "let me keep Your checkbook safe and to pay bills with and I’ll give you cash for incidentals". Also that he can use a credit card but ONLY if you deem that safe.
On another note, I don’t trust brother. Be sure dad's credit reports are frozen with the 3 credit reporting agencies if you haven’t done that yet. Congress finally made that free. That way brother, nor anyone else can take out loans or steal his identity. Set up an account with social security and the IRS so that those too can’t be used by someone else. There are so many scammers and fraudsters out there. Be sure your dad knows about the scam callers out there and to just hang up. My sister's MIL who is very intelligent was scammed out of 13,000 by a caller. It was unbelievable she fell for it but it happens. If he uses a computer be sure security and firewalls are in place. So much to think about.
If Dad is of sound mind, then sitting with him to figure out his IL expenses without your money is in order. If he isn’t of sound mind, then he won’t be able to be in IL much longer, and his expenses will rise when moving to AL.
but here goes...
If he does not have dementia you can not do anything to his accounts. (Although you might be able to if you are listed as being on the account and can withdraw money. write checks, close the account, things you could do with your own account.)
You say "age related decline" I think once a person starts making bad or I should say poor decisions it begins to move from being age related decline and more to the "dementia" realm. His next medical check should include testing for dementia, most doctors are doing that on a routine basis now if for no other reason but to get a baseline so determine how one changes from year to year.
I also think that you should not be paying for half of the Independent Living or Assisted Living bill. If he does not have the money you should begin the application process for Medicaid now. And keep in mind ANY money he has given to your brother will be looked at closely and may dramatically effect the possibility of Medicaid. Is your dad a Veteran? If so look to the VA for any number of resources as well. This is also a discussion you may have to have with your brother that he may either have to pay back money that was given to him and tell him the "well has dried up" and he needs to find other resources for his cash infusion.
My mother doesn't have dementia but has a mobility disorder that she no longer can do things herself. So I am her POA, and manage ALL her financials...because if not, she would still be giving money away like she's a Rockerfeller! You have no idea how many times I've had to tell her NO to gifts she wants to make!
If you are having to pay partial support, brother should be stopped entirely.
This has to be causing friction and bad feelings, You should notify the brother in writing, laying out your level of support, and informing him that he is now misusing funds both Dad's and yours. As a first step.
There are other choices, but it might involve accusation of elder abuse.
You should make a ledger of all disbursements ffom Dad to brother
Avoid conservator ships /guardian ships, unless you fully understand consequences.
If Dad is still competent you should update Will Living Trust, POA, and Advance Health Care directive. Before it is too late
If your POA is effective now, you can take it to the bank and tell them you will be signing checks as POA. Taking his checkbook without his agreement would be illegal, however; and as long as he's not mentally incompetent, he can still do whatever he wants with his $. So your problem is not solved thereby unless you draw out all his funds so checks he writes are dishonored--be sure he doesn't have overdraft protection on the account.
Be aware that if he's mentally competent, he can revoke your POA. He could appoint your brother, or anyone he chooses.
I agree with the others who've told you to stop contributing to your brother. That's what you are doing now. If Dad wants to find a cheaper place to live so he can give your brother money, that's on him. Otherwise, he can pay his own rent up to his total income.
Is your dad afraid of your brother? You might want to get APS involved to check that out. Maybe they could warn your brother of the consequences of elder financial abuse.
Perhaps you could get Dad to an Elder Law attorney to prepare for possible Medicaid needs, living will, etc., and let the attorney explain to him the pitfalls of what he's doing, and also warn your brother in writing to knock it off.
After she moved in, I noticed she couldn't manage her checkbook and was suffering more mental decline than was visible during visits. We went to the bank and had my name added to Mom's checking account. I put a stop to the payments to my brother and explained to her that she'd soon need in-home care and she had to save her money for that as brother certainly would not be able to help. She didn't object much, so I think she knew on some level that my brother was taking advantage of her. Sending him money had just become a habit, like paying any other bill.
Guess what? Eighteen months later, my brother and his wife are managing just fine (though he still complains to Mom about money in every telephone conversation). Mom has been able to treat herself to some clothes and go to the dentist. She has accumulated enough money to cover at least some of her upcoming nursing needs.
Moochers are manipulators, pure and simple. The sooner they are stopped, the better for our parents.
that it would be one less headache for him to take care of, as it needs to be balanced monthly and hasn't been in a while. explain to dad that he only receives a certain amount of money per month and it needs to be regulated properly monthly so that he doesn't extend himself.
i don't think you can take dads check book away from him if he says no, unless he is incompetent and can not handle it properly.
with my parents who both were had dementia at the same time, i did just that. he understood and i also was his POA.
good luck...
My brother and sister essentially cleaned out my parent's bank accounts and equity in their home and of course, this was never paid back. And they also got the most "royal" treatment from Mother.
The rest of us sibs did not know this was an ongoing thing, and we certainly would have put a stop to it, had we known.
Dad set things up prior to his passing that allows Mother to only write checks up to a certain amt and then it requires responsible brother to cosign. She shops all in cash now, however, once the mooching brother died, we all breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. He would have taken everything single thing she had if given half a chance.
It seems to me that the person to confront is your brother. What does he think he's doing, leaning on a gentleman of 93 like this?
Your father, if fully informed about your brother's condition, might have set up a Special Needs Trust for brother for when he dies and can no longer help your brother.
From the outside, it does look like brother is a leech, but rather, he is likely a dependent due to Aspergers condition, and you, like the general public do not understand, but you can learn. Does he live independently? You can look into "Supported Housing" for brother.