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Hi. My situation is kind of a messy one. I'm 33 and I recently relocated to help my grandparents with everything from long term care to daily care to selling their business. I have taken on much more than I care to, but I am taking steps to gradually transition out of so much responsibility. Before you ask, mom and dad are dead, so it's just me and my younger brothers who refuse to help, yet they get at least partially supported by my grandparents, not sure how much though, but I digress.


Long story short, I needed some help dealing with the minutiae of consolidating their bills and debts, getting the proper access and passwords to the credit cards etc that they have only recently neglected to pay due to the onset of dementia. So I asked a brother to help.


Well, he did help in getting this info during a visit and we set up an email address from which to pay all their bills, and also stored here was a master list of any passwords and personal info we might need in the future.


The day he returned home, he changed that password and locked not only me (I am the one taking care of them daily) but my grandparents out of their own banking info etc., and no one can get in touch with him, bills are running out of control and meanwhile our grandparents slip further into senility simply due to the stress of being betrayed and the complexity of regaining control of their finances.


We're getting together next week to talk about it, and my thought is to contact their creditors and bank and have the cards frozen or cancelled and change their bank account, as well as have credit monitoring and alerts activated from all 3 bureaus.


Is this enough? We can't afford to hurt their credit more than a few points, but at the end of the day the fraud has to stop regardless of the cost to their score. Any advice?? Thank you!

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Call immediately all CC companies to say they were stolen...& any charges made by brother declared fraud...Contact bank Manager to change bank a/c numbers. Explain what happened. Call 3 credit reporting agencies to do credit freeze. You also have to contact police to file police report. Call customer service on all bills owed to explain situation. Also wise to see Elder law Atty to set up POA. If Grandparents are not competent, get Guardianship. This is Elder abuse crime. Also contact APS. Oy vey what a terrible mess you & Grandparents have. Hugs 🤗
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I went through a big mess with my nephew stealing my parents blind. Everyone suggests calling authorities but if grandparents think your brother will get in trouble they may not be truthful to authorities in order to keep brother out of trouble. If that happens the authorities will do nothing because they will say it is grandparents choice. The only way i was able to stop the bleeding was to get POA then i set up online accounts and transferred everything, closing down old accounts. I did not give my dad the info.
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The very first thing I would do is cancel all credit cards & contact the banks to let them know that someone is accessing the account fraudulently.

Then as other posters have said, you need to contact the police because this is a crime against the elderly.

I don’t know about others on here but Elderly Affairs did nothing to help in my situation after repeated calls & proof that my sibling was writing checks to himself for cash.

If your parents get social security contact them so you can be set up as a representative payee.

Wishing you all the best.
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Sorry to say, uh you need to get low enforcement involved due to his fraudulent activity on the elderly. That is against the law. Contact from the police will likely cause sharing of that account information. Plus you need to see what activity has taken place on those accounts that he is responsible for. Get senior services involved as well.
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This is elder abuse. Contact the proper authorities immediately.
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I've nothing new to add and am only commenting to add emphasis to all that others have said. Contact Adult Protective Services in your county. Contact the financial institutions so they are on alert to this brother's actions. File a coriminal complaint with the the police, both where he lives and where your gransparents' assets are. If you don't already have power of atty, get that. If your grandparents aren't legally competent you may want to have yourself appointed their guardian; for this you need to see an elder attorney. Good luck.
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Explain to your brother that you will have to call the police. That ought to do it. He doesn't have to give you the information, but he has to give it to your grandparents.

I'm wondering why you're worried about their credit rating? How will a bad credit rating impact them?
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I would 1) contact Adult Protective Services (APS) and report the situation. It is actually mandatory for anyone who knows of abuse or neglect of a child or any other vulnerable person (such as disabled or elderly) to report it. Financial exploitation is elder abuse. APS can then contact your brother and put him on notice, and if necessary they will present the case to the County Attorney or District Attorney to file charges; 2) also contact an ElderLaw attorney immediately. They will advise you on the legal steps to take to get your grandparents' affairs in order and arrange proper Power of Attorney to be set up. 3) Contact your grandparents' doctors for checkups as soon as possible. If they have significant dementia, they may need this addressed medically, and their safety could be at stake. It could become necessary for you or another family member to serve as a legal guardian - and for this the attorney can also help.
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I would contact the area agency on Aging and report the situation to adult protective services to stop the present and future financial abuse. I would also inform their bans and creditors of the situation. I also would contact an elder care attorney for assistance. If your grandparents are still cognitively intact, they need to execute a durable power of attorney as well to protect them in the future if their cognitive ability declines. Legal action must be take n against your brother before any further damage is done.
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Cardinal cardinal rule in emergency first-aid is "Stop the bleeding!"
You need you need to bring in whatever authorities are available immediately, you need a financial power of attorney, you need to not worry about your grandparents credit score and be concerned about your dishonest sibling. Without knowing the family history its best to limit the other advice, but these are the very first urgently needed steps you should take. Immediately!
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All good advise, except for one...DO NOT approach brother yourself. Let the authorities do that. Also, chances are very good that he has been at this for quite awile... he probably locked you out to hide his prior misdoings.
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YES - report to adult protective immediately. You might also go to the bank and tell them exactly what happened and see if they would help you close the account he is using and set up a new one...not sure how well that would go. His access to their money to use for his own bills is going to create problems for them when/if they need to apply for a medicaid nursing home bed. It will probably be considered gifting to him. You might also want to contact an elder attorney to see if they can help you get this resolved quickly.
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Report to Adult Protective Services also for financial abuse of an elder.
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The absolute first thing you do is to contact and eldercare specialist for advice and help. You can also contact every single account you are aware of and advise them of the situation and that you have or are getting an attorney to take legal steps. In the meantime, ask for their help to freeze all assets, etc. Also file a complaint with the police and the local OFFICE ON AGING. They can help. Notify every single person you can think of - verbally and IN WRITING. You may need proof down the road that you have done all you could. Good luck.
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Don't wait another minute, contact the police, the bank, an Elder Law Attorney, in that order. No warning of this to brother. There are laws for this and it will be handled the proper way. They will handle it and advise you. Don't wait another minute.
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Immediately contact the police. This is criminal activity. I'd also, if funds are available contact a certified elder law attorney. Beware that your brother could be in legal trouble and your family may not want that...You also might want to connect with Adult Protective Services and their local office on aging. Without a POA I don't know that you will have any luck freezing any accounts, but with the police involved maybe they can assist. You might also want to get some guidance from their bank. I would think under the circumstance with explanations added to their credit files which you are allowed to add, their credit will not be hurt..

Just don't wait on this because it sounds like your brother is moving very very quickly to destroy all the assets.
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Follow advice of: theexcecutioner, ASAP!
Who has Power of Attorney, get it, ASAP
Contact Elder Abuse

Don’t tell you brother one thing! Too late to meet. Too late to talk.

As a 11 year caregiver for my mom who is 93 I know what it is to have a selfish piss-poor brother. It turns my stomach thinking how greedy and self contained they are. I could write a book about the unseen horrors of this station in life.
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Certainly you can contact your local police, but I think a better approach may be to call your states Adult Protective Services Dept. Elder abuse does not only include physical abuse, but financial abuse also, which is certainly what's going on here. APS can also take legal action.
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Report cards stolen. Ask bank to send new cards (which means they will have a new number assigned to them). Then ask bank to file affidavits to report that none of the charges are being made by your grandparents nor at their wishes and ask the bank to reverse all charges. The bank will do this. Then close their bank account. Also advise the bank their is fraudulent activity by someone (don't have to tell who) and you need to file affidavits to say that they also did not make those charges or allow anyone to use account and the bank will reverse all charges there also. Then YOU keep the card and account and checks all in a small secure safe. In other words, buy yourself a small safe with keys and allow them to only be where your brother will not get them in your house, not grandparents nor with grandparents. Then you get email address to pay all their bills from yourself. I know it is not what you meant to take on, but it is what it is. He cannot be trusted to do this. Once you see what financial stuff they have and get their business and other things sold, then it might be different that you can stop paying so much out. Go to a good elder attorney in your area to get help with all you have to do and have grandparents sign power of attorney and healthcare power of attorney now with only you as their powers of attorney on both. On the healthcare power of attorney, have a living will done as well. Then you need to have the attorney to help you with consolidating the bills, selling business, etc.
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Get a lawyer go to court get other family members as witnesses! Dr Grenan
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That is so sad !
But contact the Banks IMMEDIATELY ! Don't wait ! !

Good luck.
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Has the OP returned for an update?

Willpower,
Maybe there is some 'techy' thing you can do to regain access to the online information. When you cannot login to the accounts, click on "cannot remember my password".
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Send the police/sheriff to the offending brother's home for a welfare check on him. You are family, have not heard from him.
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I would contact a lawyer immediately so you can begin a written record of what is going on. There are lawyers who deal with this situation all the time. You have to know what are your rights. Once money is involved, family members become completely different people and will take all the money and leave your grandparents out in the cold. It's a sad fact. You can probably get a free consultation. I would contact the lawyer before you meet with him so you can inform if of the legal situation. He basically stealing. You cannot just meet him and tell him to stop doing that. He won't do it or give you access to the passwords. You will only end up getting upset and frustrated with him and he will most likely become more uncooperative. Definitely seek a consultation with a lawyer before you meet with him. Also, did your grandparents assign anyone as Power of Attorney?
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Today, right now file a police report and alert all 3 reporting agencies that they are victims of fraud.

What your brother is doing is criminal and he needs to be prosecuted, nothing to talk about or discuss. The longer it takes anyone to act the more money that is gone, never to be recovered. This will hurt their eligibility for assistance if it is not dealt with through the authorities.
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Please do all you thought about.... and then some. Get your grandparent's to a lawyer and get power of attorney (financial and medical), will, and living will or do not resuscitate pieces completed. These documents will help as you be able to act as your grandparents' advocate as they need increasing help.
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Hi, my advice is more on the hard line but you need a elder law attorney for sure to fix this once and for all. You need to get power of attorney of your grandparents affairs. If there dementia is too bad then you will have to petition the court to become there legal guardians. Once you get the proper legal documentation you tell your brother to cease this behavior and give you the information you need or face legal consequences. At this point you really have no more say over things than your brother does and although what he is doing is wrong you have no legal way to stop it. Please get the legal help and documents you need to take care of your grandparents before its to late and there assets are gone then your only recourse would probably be civil litigation against your brother which could be very murky because no one is designated the official decision maker. Once you get those papers the banks will have to listen to you and they will lock him out when you order the passwords changed. Good luck. I hope you are able to help your grandparents.
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You should have frozen the accounts as soon as you saw this happening. Don't wait to meet with him.
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Llamalover47 Apr 2020
willpower: Absolutely DO NOT meet up with brother.
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First of all, when you took on the responsibility of caring for them, you should have became their Power of Attorney, since you’re their sole provider. That family member should not have had the find to come in and oversee their finances and not assist you with their care. This sounds like elderly fraud/theft and he needs to be reported to the authorities. Do you receive an in home care check from the stats for taking care of them? I know that’s your family, but it’s hard work and time consuming and you’re entitled to it. Good luck!
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I would tell your brother you are going to call in that there are fraudulent charges on the Accounts and he will be going to jail if he makes another charge.

Then I would first call each credit card Co and tell them the card is lost and to please send another, if you want another.

For the Bank Account, I would contact the Bank and change the Account #. You will need to bring in the person on the Account.

Then just set up Auto Bill pay with all the main things like Utilities, ect.

The auto bill pay can come out of the Bank Act or charged to a Credit Card.
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Riverdale Apr 2020
I would just add that if requesting new cards they are sent to a secure address that the fraudulent brother has no access to.
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