I'm starting to feel the judgement of others of how i'm handling this caregiving chore. They think I should walk away or wonder how I do it, but what are my choices. I don't see anyone stepping in to help or even staying engaged. They have no idea of what emotional toll it is taking.
Gift giving is an act of battling guilt. If you don't send me cards, I'll have less to feel guilty about! ha.
Meanwhile back at the ranch...The exterior self tries to unite with the inner joyous untouched spirit-self. How can we do this holiday business so that it is healing for the "loved ones" and hey, maybe even me? Oh God...are You still waiting for me? I'll get to you...later...maybe later. I think God will sneak into my heart when I forget myself and drop my guard: not the mouth-guard, that is.
Every Christmas the "magic" people refer to is just that. The softening of hurt feelings, and the letting go of bad memories, as you wrap a present and give it anyways. Somewhere in all this is the flickering candle of love that miraculously survives the storms of caregiving. When it finally sinks into my presence I can bask in the beauty of gratitude.
Peace and yes, let's still be glad for all we have, who we are with, and for the miracle of ourselves and the strength that goes on.
(what city do you live in... just wondering... since the people seem so nice)
@Hearttoheart, please get respite care soon! You need it for YOU!
@ lilliansBonnie, sorry for your loss, thanks for the reminder. I pray that you will celebrate the wonderful times spent with your Mom.
Bless us all, Thank you all and may we all have a healthier more insightful New Year!
My mother was so good with us that even when she felt the need to reprimand us it did not seem like a reprimand & we never felt bad. She always took care as to not offend anyone; anything that came out of her mouth was like honey.
In circumstances like yours, it is best that you place your mother in Assisted Living or have her darling son pick her up & take her to Calgary. All you are doing is going to a bottomless pit. It sounds like your health is in jeopardy.
satintoribbons, your mom sounds wonderful, mine was the same way and thats why she is here with me right across the hall sleeping right now and will be forever. I think she deserves what she gave and she is getting it, we spoil her rotten! Hang in there and try and get help, its a lifesaver for me when someone comes in to bathe Mom for me and give me time off.
How often do your sons visit? At the risk of sounding judgemental, why couldn't they visit you during Christmas or better yet, why couldn't they invite you & your mother to their house. They sound like my family; as long as my mother cooked, the came through hell or high water. Now that she is not cooking, they make themselves scarce.
For your sake you need to get relief from caregiving for at least a day. Use this time to chill out & relax. I work full-time, so working is my break. I get no help from family, yet, they expect me to entertain them weekends. Are they kidding? The weekends are my down time. Sometimes I believe that I would be better off without family.