My mom is 88 and has had incontinence for a while…she lives with me in my walk out basement level. It smells often and it smells BAD. She often has UTIs and she can’t smell anything. I am finding that she’s now losing a lot of urine all over floor despite wearing a pad. I’m guessing it is shifting or maybe bunching up? She’s heavy of that makes a difference - about 60 inch waist, 245 pounds. Help! She doesn’t admit to any of this (in denial or embarrassed?) - it’s tough to live in these conditions and I don’t want to place her in AL.
ideas for tight fitting undies maybe? I wanna cry. I’ve washed so many waterproof pads, sheets, blankets
How long do you think it will be before you are so exhausted, so desperate, so physically and emotionally depleted, that you realize that finding her the best residential care you can locate, and visiting her as often as you want to, maybe even for a brief stop-by visit every day, is really better for you BOTH than what you’re doing now?
If you “wanna cry” now, consider how you’ll feel after years of this, and worse.
Good caregiving requires balance, and right now, the balance is disrupted by something neither of you can control or manage. Her weight alone is unmanageable for a caregiver to attempt to take on, much less her loss of bladder control.
If you won’t consider placement now, at least begin your research about the placements available near you. Then you’ll have a sense of confidence when/if her care needs exceed your ability to continue.
Please continue to consider “balance”. What do YOU need to continue caring for her in a way that’s loving and safe for BOTH of you?
It’s heartbreaking to hear how this is affecting you-looking into AL now is a great suggestion as, most likely, you’ll need to act on moving her at some point. So many have waitlists too-putting her on lists doesn’t commit you but you may be ready when a room becomes available. The resentment that’s building can only go on so long-it’s not good for either of you.
Best wishes as you find your way.
She may need a pad in the Adult Diapers.
Mare sure she is wearing them.
Also make sure she is actually taking a shower every day.
Mare sure her pee Diapers are put in a plastic bag before being thrown away.
Use deodorizers that Remove the smell not cover it up.
I use Odor Eliminater
I'm surprised she is still alive being that corpulent. One fall with injury, chances are she will be bedridden for life.
I had to use about 6 diapers a day for my mom.
You can buy reusable bed pads--but the extra large ones. Go on Amazon. Wash them over and over again.
As for disposable pads, you need very large ones. Go to the pet store and get pads for dogs. They are large and much, much cheaper than the ones for humans--same materials too.
245 pounds isn't exactly call Dr. Now on '600-Pound Life' and it's a miracle they're still alive.
Most people at 88 who have a fall are at risk of becoming bedridden for life too.
Maybe you can find some info whether it would be suitable for you. Sorry I dont have any particulars about this device as my mom had a stroke while she was admitted to the hospital and only came home for a week of hospice care to be with family when she passed.
She had her 95th birthday while she was at a rehab facility. The stroke left her very much disabled and she just didnt have the strength or desire to keep fighting. I miss her a lot.
Charlotte
They are not good unless the patient is in bed , unless there are recent changes.
I keep air fresheners going in all rooms. Although we don't have the leakage problem, her room can definitely take on a smell. I use scented trash bags and tie all waste up immediately. It is a continual battle.
For your sake, consider help. There are some great suggestions on here.
Best wishes to you.
Gold Violin Independent Living Catalog.
https://kleinerts.com/products/unisex-duralite-incontinence-briefs?variant=15019123671085
My sister, who is about the same size as your mom, uses these. They're expensive, but worth the cost if your mom has something against disposable briefs.
I call it serious incontinence when the house stinks all the time.
She needs to be in diapers now. Not 'Pull-ups' which are for mild incontinence. Diapers. Then line the diaper with an incontinence pad. This will take care of you problem of there being urine on the floor or furniture.
Keep a garbage can with a lid in the bathroom too. That will help with the smell.
They will send samples
good luck
https://wellnessbriefs.com/
Then I bought the urine dipstick to check her urine now and then to see whether a new one was starting. And if so, get the dr. to write a script to have it checked ASAP. I also have Mom's nails kept cut short ( as e.coli from stools is the most common cause ) so wiping after a bm has less chance of contamination.
The most common symptom in older folks is increased confusion and increased urination.
As far as products, I'm reading others' responses, as so far, just thick Poise pads are working for my mom.
Mom wears an internal cath with outside collector bag. A pair of the heaviest depends and 2 thick Poise pads---yet she can pee through them all. Her floors are all ruined and her apt. stinks to high heaven. At some point, we simply couldn't keep up with the urine flow. It smells extremely strong as she is on many meds and also is always very dehydrated. NOTHING has helped with the smell. And trust me, we've tried. It's in everything.
When mother has worn briefs that are too tight, she gets rashes and then there's one more thing to deal with.
I wish I had answers for this--it's so bad people won't go visit her. I get a migraine from the smell of the old urine mixed with 6 air fresheners 'spritzing' every 15 minutes.
And you can put a pad inside of these, too.
My FIL wears the depends during the day and then at night we add a pad to it.
Just make sure you get the size right and that they are pulled all the way up.
Good luck.
It doesn't sound like those pads are doing much for her. I would think they are likely going to bunch up, esp given her weight. When I tried using them for monthly needs, mine would tend to get "pinched" in the middle, potentially leading to leakage with that too, and I wasn't even half your mother's weight! If they are for monthly cycles, they probably have a different absorbency criteria. If they are for incontinence, they are probably designed more for a little leakage, not full on flow. The pads and briefs also vary in absorbency like Max, Ultra, Overnight, etc. You might want to try various ones, brand and absorbency, to see which works best.
A toileting schedule might help as well. Going on a regular cycle will reduce how much she would have if she has an "accident."
When we switched mom to adult briefs, the aide and I just removed all her undies and replaced them with the briefs. We did use incontinence pads inserted into the briefs at night before bed.
Definitely give the briefs (try various ones, to see which work best) a try, and work on getting a toilet schedule going.
As for the strong odor, perhaps it's just part of aging, but I do find that urine tends to smell MUCH stronger when fluid intake is reduced. Encouraging sufficient fluid intake might help with the odor - beware not to go overboard as too much fluid can cause problems! The down side of drinking more is more urine, but with a schedule and briefs, it might work!
As others have noted, hopefully you have legal documents in place, so that you have them when you need them and are making plans for future care. As much as many, like you, don't want to put a LO into AL or MC, the downward spiral can become overwhelming, much more so than it is now. Her weight alone is concerning, as you could get seriously hurt yourself when trying to assist her. Even people trained to do it "right" can end up injured, At the least, you will want to hire help, to physically assist, but also give you time to attend to chores, shopping, cleaning, etc., AND time for yourself. You WILL need it. Meanwhile, even if now you don't plan on using a facility, at least check out those in your area, so that if the time ever comes that there is no other option, you won't be scrambling to figure it all out!
(HDIS was mentioned, but not explained what it is. Apparently they are distributors of various types/brands - if they are more expensive, why buy from them? I was able to order from WM and have them delivered for a reasonable price (meet minimum order cost and shipping is free.)
works pretty well. Please be careful with your back....this can be really hard for one person.