Mom, 82, hemolytic anemia, stage 4 lymphoma (undergoing chemo now) and diabetic....... NOT in the best shape, but lives at home and has live in caregiver, of sorts.
Mom over draws her account every month and has for years, but has always had savings. I've tried to help her with this many many times. No interest. Since 2002 or so, she has been enamoured with her caregiver's SON. Now, in 2014, the 2 of them are joint POAs. For the past several years he has poisoned my mother against me.....not opinion, but fact.
My husband and I visited recently, (she adores him, and he let her know that we are happy to help her manage incoming and outgoing money...... but SON must have nothing to do with finances (as she has given him extraordinary amounts over the years, he takes as needed, etc). He has lost her money in failed businesses and has been unemployed for the majority of years I've known him. He's married, my age, BTW... As POA, he would have to agree to work with us, of course. Fat chance!
Next day Mom agreed and told SON same. He then proceeded to tell me that he had decided not to do it, despite me telling him that he was to act upon Mom's wishes, not the other way around.
Mom was unable to override her sweetie pie as she calls him. She cannot bear to go against him, tho I clearly explained in front of SON, his mother and Mom, that we will not help when he is allowing her money to be mishandled month after month. And where will HE find the extra money when needed? Medical deductibles? Tax payments?
Mom said that all she wants me to do is "love her". Can I really do that by sitting back and watching her CHOOSE him to take care of her?
Sorry for length. Not even sure what I'm asking for.......
Call the clerk of the Supreme Court in your area and ask about a court appointed "conservator" or "mentor". It's called different things state to state. Pretty much what they do is observe the fiduciary duties of the POA and how they are acting as agent for your mom, the principal.
Your choice if you want to advise your mom and sweetie pie what you are about to do.
I assure you the court will be glad to help and the financials (from the past as well) will be under scrutiny. In some cases, if it appears that fraud was committed then there could be subsequent criminal charges filed if the courts deem.
Good luck, be well
I'll try to be brief. I, too, experienced a non-relative taking advantage of my Mother (who is 80 years old). Point blank, the person had been stealing her money. I discovered (late last year) that over a course of 3 years, this person has stolen close to $38,000. This person was so sneaky, they actually signed onto my Mother's bank accounts as a Joint Account Holder. I was instructed, legally, to obtain a POA to oversee my Mother's affairs, which I did, & I closed all of her bank accounts. The matter is now in the hands of Law Enforcement. I would not have been able to live with myself if I didn't do what I could to protect her. The only challenge you may encounter is that the individual in your matter, actually is the POA for your Mom. If you can gather evidence to support what you think is happening, that will go a very long way & then proceed the matter legally.
I won't lie, the process of gathering evidence; along with the day-to-day care & concern for your Mother is grueling, frustrating & for me, I cried a lot of days/nights...but I have peace in knowing I did the right thing.
Sorry for the long post and I wish you the best in your efforts.
Genuinely happy, is she, do you think? If she really is, and APS are smiling on the arrangements (bizarrely, but there you are) then as PS said, I suppose you do just have to accept that she's ploughed her own furrow. Horrible for you, I'm sorry.
Frankly, if mom is of sound mind and wants to give it all to sweetie pie or her son, then she has right to do so. If she changed POA from you or brother to sweetie pie recently, you could contest that possibly by alleging she was coerced, however, I suspect they are local and she has chosen to do so of her own free will even if it was a poor decision.
You will have to then let go and not rescue mom if she gets into financial trouble...she will just go on Medicaid. You can always explain to her about her finances, current state, and that if she continues giving it away, she will be on Medicaid and won't be able to remain at home or go to a "nice place" when the time comes. That may be a wake up call to her to at least start conserving her resources and stop letting these leeches bleed her.
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