Last year, my 88 yr old Mother came to live with me and my family. She has been sick throughout the year, in the hospital, then rehabilitation. Currently, I am primary caregiver and handle all transportation to doctors and PT.
During the pandemic, I sold and purchased a larger home with first floor master, so I could move in all her furniture. She insisted she wanted her furniture if she was giving up her own home.
Her furniture and all her belongings are part of her trust so I will not receive her property.
Why is it now, I feel guilty that I have this beautiful home and receive $1000 a month from her to help with living expenses?
I have six siblings that all support this arrangement to varying degrees. However, no other sibling could care for her, plus Mom refuses to live with anyone else.
Help? Do I share this guilt with my siblings? I wish I could have done all this without her help. But I can’t. I know my logic vs emotion are conflicted.
As pointed out by others, Assisted Living would cost plus or minus $5K a month.
You are an angel in disguise.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
Why do you feel guilty for doing what others in your family will not do???
My YB moved mother in with him 23 years ago. When she passes, each of the rest of us will inherit $9800. We're ALL just giving the money to YB. He has not been paid for all these years, and mother has pretty much ruined his personal family dynamic. Not out of spite or anything--anybody who lives with you 24/7 for 23 years is going to impact the family dynamic.
I'd feel guilty if I DIDN'T give YB my small inheritance. We also 'sneak' money to him as he has not been able to work a 2nd job (he's an EMT and all of them have to work a side job--he has not been able to). End of the year, the 4 of us sibs who can, usually gift him between $1K-5K. He doesn't know it's from us--and he wouldn't take it if he knew.
Every ti.e that thought comes in your head, you have to immediately think of something else and move on. Dont forget to take time for yourself. That is paramount so you can take care of her.
Are you sure that guilt isn't coming from siblings?
Your time is worth something. So you should be paid. You are with her 247.
You should be happy you get to spend time with her. Dont let siings guilt you. Notice how they didnt step up. Id make them put in time staying with her so you get mental breaks too. Good luck
If you need the money get past it.
Can you Mother afford to give you $1000? She would be paying rent somewhere. If she can afford it just say thank you.
I am a carer to both elderly nearly 90 year old parents in their own home. Meals, cleaning, meds etc. It’s all on me. I have siblings and they know I am gifted $900 a month by my parents. I’m honest with them about it. Best way in my opinion. If they don’t like it too bad. They are welcome to the job but are happy not to have that burden.
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